A parenting view of the World

On stage and under the arc lights

2012-02-01T15:27:00.001+05:30

Shakespeare in his play 'As you like it' wrote the famous lines "All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players". Though this has a deeper meaning to it, but for a short time literally this became a reality when my kids had their annual day last month. The theme being 'Sanskriti', they showcased the rich panorama of Indian culture through various dances which are unique to each region. The practice started as early as September and the final show that all the children put up was outstanding. My children were part of the Bhangra and Dandiya group. The costumes, the lighting effects, the grace with which all the children performed was fabulous. As I was watching the beautiful performances, my mind went on a flashback mode.

Though I used to take part during every annual day in school, three instances stand etched in my memory. The first was when I was in the fifth grade. Our school had an invitation to put up a dance drama along with many other schools in Bal Bhavan which is located in the then favourite place of all children the - Cubbon Park. If participating in plays was the cake, getting to practice for it in Cubbon Park was the icing on the cake. It was a double whammy!! The play was directed by someone from the Bal Bhavan committee.

I remember the story was that of the 'Toys and the toy maker'. It was a story of how the toys in this toy makers shop were very fond of him and when the toy maker had to sell off his shop due to financial difficulties, the toys help him out. Dressing up as different toys with different costumes was a thrilling experience. I was a doll and I still remember my costume- a lovely frilly dress with laces.

The practice was quite rigorous and we were taken almost every day to Cubbon Park by the Bal Bhavan bus. It was a thrilling experience for us kids. The best part that I used to enjoy apart from the practice was when other school children were practicing, we could use the mobile library which was a new concept and had started just then. I would get lost in the wonderful world of the story surrounded all around by my favorite books, ensconced in the cosy interiors of the bus.What more could one want from life?

The play went off very well .The first day we performed for children from different schools and the second day it was open to the general public. We all got standing ovation each time we put up the show. We performed about eight shows over a period of two days! And too very soon it was all over.

The next was when I got a chance to write a script for a play when I was in my tenth standard. The story was a light entertainer of how a thief was taught a lesson when he would steal valuables under the pretext of sleep walking. It was well liked by the audience and it was a dream come true to have something which you conceptualised become a reality and appreciated.

The third was a play that we put up in college. The play was' Amrapali' and how this beautiful danseuse became an ardent devotee of Lord Buddha. It was again an amazing experience to put this play for our fellow college mates and the lecturers. The play received a lot of praise from everyone in college.

So performances like these and many others that our kids have been / will be a part of over the years will form part of a rich mosaic in their life and will be treasured and cherished by them for years to come.

Such moments are what makes each one of our student days memorable, don't you think?

The good old piggy bank

2012-01-21T12:08:00.000+05:30

Our ancestors believed and lived by the dictum 'Save for a rainy day' or as Benjamin Franklin said 'A penny saved is a penny earned'. When we were children, to inculcate the habit of savings I remember my father getting two piggy banks from our Bank - one for my sister and one for me. Yes! the banks at that time used to give cute piggy banks to the customers with the intention of encouraging children to save money. However these days they are busy disbursing loans and credit cards, which has proved to be a bane and has encouraged people to spend beyond their means!

Coming back to the two piggy banks that we got, one was of course in the shape of a piggy, the other was a cat. So I wondered why it was not called catty bank? I read that one of the reasons as to why it was called Piggy Bank was that in Germany a pig was considered to be a symbol of good luck and prosperity and hence keeping money in a piggy bank meant bringing in good fortune.

Anyways both my sister and me were very thrilled to have a piggy bank each. Every day religiously we would put one coin each in it. Sometimes the need to see it fill up faster was too much for us, and we would ask not only dad but my mom my gran and anybody whom we were close to, for a coin to put in our piggy bank. Now and then we would shake it vigorously and listen to the jingling of the coins. Oh!! what a thrilling experience it was. Then came that time which we had been eagerly waiting for- Yes! the piggy bank was finally full!! We just could not wait for it to be opened. When my dad opened the piggy bank out tumbled all those coins which we had painstakingly collected over a period of time. Dad exchanged all the coins for notes and we were two proud children when we were taken to the bank and the money in our piggy bank was deposited in our very own names. The process then began all over. Even now our piggy bank stands proudly as a souvenir in my parents home in our toy show case.

Without us realising dad had taught us kids an important lesson in life - Savings. We learnt how much time and patience is required to save money. As parents we tried this with our kids too. They diligently did it for some time, but fast pace being their mantra, they found patience was not one of their stronger virtues when it came to waiting for their piggy bank to fill up. Hence the piggy bank lay half empty and forgotten. I guess the present generation has to relearn this timeless wisdom all over again.

Special gift from Santa

2012-01-13T19:30:00.000+05:30

Christmas is a time when children eagerly look forward to their gifts. Every year on Christmas Day for the past fifteen years Santa has been visiting our children and has filled up the stockings with lots of gifts. We would also get a small Christmas tree ( the artificial ones that you get in the stores) and would decorate it and keep it in our living room. A week before Christmas my children would keep giving me lists of gifts that they hoped Santa would leave besides their bed. On twenty fourth night their excitement used to reach a feverish pitch. Every now and then they would come to me wondering if Santa would remember to get their gifts. Early twenty fifth morning we would hear whoops of joy from their rooms as they would shout with glee seeing the gifts besides their bed.

Sometimes when the gifts that they wanted were some expensive gadgets and they would instead find books, or pens or other things they would groan and complain to me saying that Santa had not given them what they had asked for. I would then tell them that Santa has to give millions of gifts, and he cannot give everyone what they ask for. Even Santa goes through recession times right?

Now they might be grown up, but who can resist the allure of getting a gift? So now when we are around they throw loud hints hoping we would hear what gift they want from Santa. But this Christmas Santa had a special gift for my elder son. When he opened his gift, out tumbled a shaving kit!! I suddenly realised that my little baby had grown up! How did Santa know?? My mind was swirling with mixed emotions. Here stood before me, a tall gangly teenager who was just the other day crawling and was being carried by me. Somehow I never realised how much and how fast time had flown!

As we stood there, I could not bear to see my little baby, whose skin had been nurtured by application of olive oil and milk cream when he was a small baby, now applying a blade! My husband was one proud man. He now had to initiate his son into the intricacies of shaving! What more, my younger son made the grand announcement about this to his grandparents. As the training session started my younger son and me were the interested audience watching every move with rapt attention. Since it was a memorable day we captured it on the video ( Wanted to save it for posterity when he can show his children the day he first shaved!). At the first stroke of the razor I could not help but wince. As the finer nuances of the strokes and motions were taught, I stood and watched. Finally the whole act of clean shaven look was achieved.

I felt a twinge of pain as I looked up at this teenager who had grown a foot and a half taller than me and somewhere in the corner of my heart I knew that I would always miss my little baby.

Shopping spree with my son

2011-12-27T15:13:00.000+05:30

Yes it was long overdue. Because, we shopped for the school uniform once a year and for casuals, football freaks that they were, the dress code after school hours was the football jersey as I have mentioned in my earlier blog. A couple of times when we had gone shopping, we came back empty handed as they were at that stage where their size was not available.

Finally the day arrived when we simply had to go shopping for my elder son as he told us that his wardrobe had now reached a pitiable state. After some enquiries, one of our cousins recommended one particular shop highly for its range. So that is how we set out on a shopping spree with my son. It was quite late when we started but then I told myself "well how long would it take for us to shop, especially for boys?" The idea was to pick up a couple of T-shirts, couple of pairs of trousers and following the current trend of typical teenagers couple of shirts which otherwise was never on his list before.

We finally reached the shop after juggling through the peak hour traffic. Once I stepped into the shop I was quite amazed to see the range that was on offer. There was so much of choice, not only for teenagers but for all age groups. Added to this the outfits were reasonably priced. It was sheer bliss to see different coloured T-shirts, shirts and jeans which actually fit him perfectly.

After the salesman showed us where his size T-shirts were stacked we started the process of selection. I asked my son to pick up some brighter shades as most of his T-shirts were black. I picked up a few T-shirts which I thought he would like, but he told me that it had too much writing on it. So I picked up something with motif which was rejected. Some T-shirts he did not like as he did not like the feel of it. To my utter dismay I found the endless choice before me dwindling. Finally and not quite surprisingly he picked up his all time favourite black T-shirt and a green one.

Next we went to the shirts section. My son was looking for checked, half sleeve shirts. I found many such shirts with nice colourful stripes and checks. To make his work easier and since we had spent considerable time in the previous section, I decided to help him and started showing him shirts which I thought would look good on him. An emphatic NO each time either because he felt the checks were too big or too small or the colour was not to his liking, or the one which he liked had a thin orange stripe in between instead of blue (which I noticed only after he told me) and so on and so forth. Phew! I was left panting and my head reeling. Exasperated I told him maybe in future he could design his own wear! Finally he managed to pick up one shirt. Imagine out of hundreds he could find only one to his liking but here I cannot deny the fact that so far whatever he had chosen was definitely good.

Finally we were down to one last item - the pair of jeans. Even here he asked to be shown different varieties as he did not like something with stitched motiffs, some of the stone washed pattern and so on and so forth. By this time I was totally drained out of energy and just sat down on the sofa. I left my son with the harried salesman. Finally he had chosen one. We paid the bill and left thanking the poor salesman for being so patient.

We had spent almost two and half to three hours in the shop to buy four items. For a person who does not like to spend much time on shopping, this was quite an eyeopener. The general perception is that girls are more choosy and take longer time. Boy! was I wrong. When talking to some of my friends with teenage boys I realised that my son was not an exception. This was another phase I got to see of my teenaged boy - must say it sure was a memorable shopping experience.

The radio days

2011-12-11T09:59:00.001+05:30

Sunday....... the day when we all love to laze around in bed, where my children ask me not to wake them up early, in other words my days are loooonger and things get done very late. That being the case, this sunday when I went to the kids room at around nine in the morning I found both the kids listening to some songs on the radio. Yes - the good old radio.The very own radio which Marconi patented. The radio which was a much prized purchase for all those people who went abroad those days. Who can ever forget the evergreen picture of a person holding the radio on his shoulder and a suitcase in the other hand showing proudly to the world his most prized possession?

My father-in-law has a radio which he switches on everyday at five in the morning. He listens to devotional songs and at six one can listen to the ageless voice of M.S. Subbulakshmi singing the Venkatesha Suprabhatam. Since the radio is very old and sometimes goes off tune, my mother gifted a radio to him on his birthday. Yes it is difficult to find a radio in electronic shops these days. However call it sentimental value my father-in-law preferred his old radio. My younger son then got it to his room and now both my children listen to music on the radio.

Today when I found both of them lying on the bed and listening to music on the radio it brought back memories of my days. I remember as kids we grew up listening to the radio. It started with early morning news which my dad would be listening as he would be shaving and then as we used to get ready for school, we would be listening to stations like vividhbharathi which would play kannada film songs. In the night again the radio was switched on at seven for the evening news followed by songs till about eight thirty in the night. So you can say it was almost a daily ritual and was a crucial part of our daily routine.

When we were in our teens we got hooked onto western music and the popular bands like Abba and Boney M were our favourites. I still remember western songs were played only on sundays at twelve. At eleven forty five the four of us would huddle together near the radio and tune into the songs. At times we would valiantly try to copy down the wordings which were difficult to understand because of the different accent. We also used to listen to quiz programmes and used to enjoy matching our wits against those faceless participants.

During our study time also we had the habit of listening to music on radio and now I find my children also getting into this habit. My husband being a cricket freak reminisces how he would get up early in the morning at around five or so to listen to live commentary when matches were played abroad. Not only that he also used to follow the election results and very methodically would draw up spread sheets of the results. So you can say that radio was an indispensable part of our life. The link to outside world along with newspapers.

After revolution in technology radio slowly took a backseat and disappeared totally from our life. Infact there was a day when my kids were very young when we were talking about radio they asked us what a radio was? At that time it struck us as to how long we had travelled in life.

But today thanks to FM stations, radio seems to have arrived back with a bang or should I say music? So happy listening to all you guys there who grew up listening to radio.

Spirituality in Children

2011-11-24T13:16:00.001+05:30

On my father-in-law's birthday last week, we decided to visit the temple closeby to seek divine blessings. After finishing the morning chores we all reached the temple by 8.30. As we were getting the puja done, I saw a little boy and girl of around five and eight years of age standing on the other side. Since they were unaccompanied I assumed that they must be from around that vicinity. I was quite impressed to see the devotion with which they prayed before the diety. Once the priest had finished with the pooja, they took the prasadam and bowed before the Lord and left.

As we stood there, I saw many more children in school uniforms coming into the temple. Each one of them stood reverently in front of the Lord with folded hands, took three pradakshinas, prostrated before the diety and applied the vibhuthi (the sacred ash) on their forehead. It amused me to see the way each and every child apply the vibhuthi on their forehead; they would peer into their reflection on the outside of the shining bowl which held the vibhuthi and then apply it in the center of their brows!! Finally each one collected the prasad and left. All this was done with so much of devotion that I was left speechless. I realised that this must be a part of their daily routine because of the meticulous way with which they were going about these rituals.

I should say that in about half an hour or so that we were there, I saw almost about fifteen to twenty children all in the age group of eight to ten come and seek blessings of the Almighty before they left for school. All these children I guess were from the nearby Government school as all of them were in the same uniform. I realised the true meaning of the saying children are the incarnation of God. More than concentrating on the pooja, I saw God in these little faces which radiated so much of pure happiness and joy. Their faces were so serene and I could see their absolute surrender to the Lord.

In my mind I bowed my head in all humbleness to these little ones and to their parents who have given these children that much needed spiritual backbone with which they can face the obstacles of life with great fortitude.

Do you think the more sophisticated and urbanised we become, further away we move from spiritualism? Spiritualism in whatever form that one follows, ultimately don't you think that each one of us is looking for that tranquility and answer to that ultimate question of "Who am I?"

Picnics or study tours?

2011-11-16T11:46:00.001+05:30

The other day when my children told me that they have a class picnic and that they would be spending time at a resort, my father-in-law reminisced about the kind of picnics that they used to have. He told us that as part of school outing they would be taken to nearby sugar factories and would be shown how sugar was prepared or to small scale industries where they would be shown how fabrics were woven, followed by swimming in the local waterbody and lunch in the lush green fields and play before packing their bags.

That set me thinking; can't our children also have such kind of picnics which is fun and at the same time brings in some practical education? Many of you might be familiar with this joke where, when a teacher asked the class children where one gets milk from, the answers varied from packets, milk booth and shops! Somehow, the cow did not come into the picture at all!

But seriously, our education system hardly gives us any real insights other than studying and answering questions from books. Even during my time, we still did not have what I call hands on education. We would read theoretically about agriculture, cultivation of crops, irrigation system and so on as part of our curriculum. Beyond that we hardly knew how rice or barley or wheat crops were grown. Thanks to our urban upbringing! We all admire the lush green fields en-route to a resort, take pictures of farmers working in their fields, gasp in delight at the picturesque scenery as we call it and leave the memories trapped in our cameras. Period.

We go to supermarkets and pile up the trolley with packets of various items like sugar, biscuits, different kinds of flours and so on. But do we know exactly how sugar is prepared from sugarcane? How jaggery is made? What processes are involved in dehusking and cleaning of different cereals? Same way we buy apparels but we do not know how a cloth is woven from the stage of fibre to a fabric, how a loom works, how materials are dyed and the whole lot of procedure involved which goes into the making of a cloth.

At least during our time we had some exposure into this as our grandparents lived in villages / small towns and we used to get to see all of this, but now that everyone have moved out or the smaller villages now have become semi urban towns, our children have absolutely no exposure to real life equivalents of what they study at school.

Imagine the delight of little children if they are taken from the school to fields where they actually get to work alongside the farmers and you know how little ones love to muck around literally! or when they are taken to factories and shown how the day to day materials that they use are made, they would love to tinker in garages or factories to see how automobiles work. Learning would then become more enjoyable and meaningful don't you think? One which will be remembered for a lifetime? Wouldn't it be the best way of imparting knowledge to our children right from a young age to respect dignity of labour? What more, when they do it alongside their friends they enjoy it much more.

What do you think?

Heal this earth for our children

2011-11-03T13:05:00.000+05:30

This year on Independence day an announcement was made at the gathering in our apartment that shortly they would take up zero waste management project and asked each resident to co-operate to make it a success. Now our apartment complex has some three hundred forty odd flats and even if we say four members per flat it would be a whopping thousand four hundred (rounding off) residents in this complex alone!

Imagine the waste produced by each of these flats and the apartment complex on the whole, on a day to day basis? Phew! is it not colossal? I am taking the instance of only our apartment! One can then imagine the waste that gets collected all over the world! I was therefore very happy that here was an opportunity where we will leave lesser carbon imprint on this earth and not only that, my children would practically learn what would otherwise have been just another lesson in their textbook.

The project went underway from September onwards in a phase-wise manner. The first thing was to create awareness and this was done by having exhibitions and hosting a talk show with one of the experts in this field of zero waste management from Vellore, who spoke not only to the residents but also to the maids and other helpers. After this each and every flat was provided with clear cut instructions on how to segregate wet waste and dry waste. Also all the flats were given two different coloured dust bins- one red (for dry waste) and one green (for wet waste). No plastic liners were to be used and dustbins were to be covered with newspaper only.

Now the dry waste like plastic covers, milk covers, bottles etc were to be thoroughly rinsed and dried before putting into the bin as these would later be sold and used for recycling. The wet waste like kitchen waste, dry flowers etc would be made into compost which could then be used to grow the very fruits and vegetables that we eat organically.

Initially some of the residents showed resistance and felt it was tedious and difficult.Some felt it was not their job in the first place to do this, the bins would be filthy when plastic liners are not used so on and so forth. But then I guess it is all about the change in mindset. If we cannot do our might in saving this earth then who will I wonder? Anyways now the initial glitches and hitches are done away with and things are going smoothly.

I think even with no research and education our ancestors were in sync with nature. They knew even then that they had to co-exist with nature on its own terms and disturbing nature would mean disruption of the very existence of human beings. Hence every single item used was eco- friendly, made from raw materials available in nature which would easily disintegrate and decompose and merge into nature once more to be reused again. But post industrialisation has got us into the use and throw culture added with the most dangerous and toxic plastic and e-waste, poisoning our very earth on which we live. So does it not then make each one of us responsible? Should we not start now and save our beautiful planet 'Earth' for generations to come?

Truly a festival of lights

2011-11-02T16:06:00.001+05:30

We have been celebrating Diwali - the festival of light and sound I must say for the past several years. After the entry of children into our lives the festivities brought out added dazzle and sparkle into our lives. The amazing and joyous look on their faces when sparklers and flowerpots were lit or the frightened gasp and cries when crackers were burst - all these added a different dimension to our festivities. When they got older, bursting crackers on their own became a symbol of courage and a sign of independence. All these happened in addition to the ritualistic oil massage and bath followed by lighting diyas everywhere and gorging on sweets and led up to the final moments when they would wait excitedly for that moment when they could start on the firework show.

All that changed this year when my children announced that they would not be bursting crackers or for that matter any other fireworks this year. We were happy that we would in a very small way contribute towards lesser pollution this year. At the same time as an adult, being conditioned to celebrating Diwali with fireworks I asked the kids if they would atleast like to buy one pack of flowerpot and sparklers as a symbolic spirit of this festival. They refused.

I should say this Diwali we enjoyed a lot by decking up the house with lovely rangolis, amid strewn petals of crysanthemums, roses and marigolds. Prepared lots of sweets and savouries at home as well as a sumptuous Diwali meal, visited friends and relatives, and had friends visiting us. Not to forget we lit lots of diyas. At the end of the festivities, In my heart I felt that this Diwali was well and truly the festival of lights.

When Lord Krishna visited my home

2011-08-22T22:33:00.001+05:30

Yesterday was Krishna Janmashtami. Long time back at one of my friend's house I was fascinated when I saw her making little footprints with her fist using kumkum, leading allover her house. When asked, she said this was one of their custom, where it represented little Krishna's foot steps. I was fascinated by this.

When my children were small, I wanted to create this magic for them.That was the age when they were so much into mythgological stories and Krishna was their favourite God.That night as I left their bedroom I hinted that for all they know Krishna might even come and visit them.That night I made little footprints leading from the prayer room to the kids room.The next morning, both the kids came running into my room yelling excitedly that there are footprints of Krishna in their bedroom and that Krishna had come to see them. I felt very happy and shared their enthusiasm.

The next year on the day of Janmashtami, they were totally excited and asked me if Krishna would visit them again just like the previous year? I told them if they wanted him to come he will definitely do so. Then they had a brain wave. Since it was his birthday they had to give him gifts! So I could hear serious discussion between both of them as to what gift they should give. Finally I think both of them reached a conclusion and after some time I saw two bowls of their favourite Cadbury eclairs being kept below Lord Krishna's Idol. That night again I made the footprints and also took some chocolates out of the bowl . As anticipated both of them got up real early in the morning with joyous shouts at seeing the footprints. When they saw some chcolates missing both of them were awestruck and told me Krishna had eaten their chocolates.

Later in the day I could hear my younger son telling with great gusto to everyone as to how he saw Lord Krishna come into his bedroom and how he had seen him eat the chocolates. Each time the story was repeated, it kept getting longer with lot more creativity and imagination. I was happy and amused.

A couple more years it continued. My sons had grown a little older by now. I now saw my elder son giving me knowing smile and winks whenever I enthused about the visit of Krishna. I could however see he was still trying to make up his mind whether it was real or not.

Then one of the years I hit upon the idea of making the footprints with lipstick as it was much easier. Now my younger son got up that morning and all was quiet. I did not hear the usual whoop of joy and was wondering what was happening? After some time he came down and told me 'Mamma, I know you made those footprints'. I asked him why he thought so? He said that he had smelt the footprints and it smelt of lipstick (I know children are curious, but smelling the footprints? Beats me). I told him that might be the smell of alta the red colour that Krishna generally applies on his feet. I could see that he was not quite satisfied. I knew that my children were now growing up and were slowly stepping out of their imaginary world.

Now the time has come where both my sons tell me that they know the truth.Well the truth might have been out of the bag, but I think I will continue doing it. Why? I guess life has to have some magical moments, don't you think? And for me, it was that day early in the morning when my kids got up to the joy of seeing the footprints for the first time and telling me with great faith that little Lord Krishna had come home visiting them.

Choco - block

2011-08-17T14:25:00.000+05:30

Today my younger son got ready to go to school and as is his custom, he perused the whole world ie. the news paper. First comes the sports page (Thank God! the main news makes for a morose start of the day) and then he takes a bird's eye view of the happenings in the rest of the world by reading the headlines. As I was busy packing what I thought was a nutritious meal (which according to them is the most boring stuff), I heard a loud chuckle and he came to the kitchen excitedly. I wondered if his favourite football player Torres had made a grand opening in his first match in his new home team....but no, that was not the reason for all this sudden excitement as he announced in a very grand manner, his tone displaying the 'I knew it all along', kind 'mama, it says here 'Chocolate healthier than fruits'.

Is he kidding? I know he is a great chocoholic. He pointed the article with great glee to me. I read it and I pointed out to him that it also says here that , I quote, 'the findings do not alter the fact that their favourite is high in fat and sugar, meaning dieticians say it should be balanced with less yummy foods such as brown rice and pulses'. So I tried hard telling him that chocolate might be healthy, but it should still be eaten in moderation. Anything eaten in moderation is always good. But suddenly he pretended to be hard of hearing and declared that from then on he would eat chocolates instead of fruits!! I was left with more of my speech on the positive benefits of eating healthy food unsaid and unheard as he opened Cadbury Silk and took a generous bite of it to demonstrate the study was indeed the final word in the matter.

I sighed, thinking how selective we all are in hearing and choosing what we want to do. I know for a fact that in another few weeks time there will be another study refuting the claim of this study but the damage would have already been done and my son would 'chocoliciously' be eating his chocolate.

Meaning of freedom for each one of us..

2011-08-15T21:01:00.001+05:30

As we celebrate our 65th Independence Day, we know that the oppressive rule of the British is well and truly behind us. And we have to be thankful to each and every well known as well as the countless anonymous people of this country who struggled tirelessly to ensure their children and grandchildren lived in a better India.

But in the current scenario would this still be significant? So then what would freedom mean in today's context I wondered?

In rural India,

are our farmers today free of the vagaries of nature and from the clutches of the money lenders?

are the hardworking womenfolk in our rural areas free from the domineering menfolk who take away all their earnings?

are they free from having to walk miles to get a couple of pots of water?

And in semi-urban and urban India,

do BPL families have the freedom to enjoy three healthy meals a day, a good education, and proper health care facilities?

has the nation progressed enough to stop begging on the streets?

have we done enough to free ourselves from the virus of corruption?

Yes - we are free from the foreign rule but unfortunately, we continue to be slaves. Of a different kind.

Slaves to our work.
To our money.
To the luxuries the money brings.
To the mall culture.
To the brands we like to wear.
To the notion that bigger is better - bigger cars, bigger houses, bigger holidays and bigger everything.

When will we gain independence from the corruption of the mind? Will we ever?

Adieu dear Harry Potter

2011-08-10T22:25:00.000+05:30

Well the first time I had an inkling about a boy wizard called 'Harry Potter' was sometime in the year 1998. We had gone to one of our friends' place for dinner and our friend's son who was all of nine was reading a book. He was so very engrossed that nothing disturbed him. I was very curious to know what book it was and when asked his father said 'Harry Potter'.

At that time I did not really think much about it. Growing on books like Grimms fairy tales, Aesop's Fables, Enid Blyton I was busy collecting those for my child who was just about three then. However Harry Potter burst into our lives when the series was made into movies and I bought the set of first four books.

The first time I read the books I got totally immersed into Harry's magical world. My household chores got done in a jiffy that even Molly Weasley with all her magic spells used, to cook and clean was outdone by me. After this I was invisible to all, just as Harry was with his invisible cloak. Oh!!! what a world of enthrallment as I stepped into Hogwarts - the school of magic. It was the kind of school that I had always dreamt about. Applauding Harry during his Qudditch games, traversing along with him on his journey into the world of unknown dangers and coming out victorious against the Dark Lord by sheer courage, trust and love as his only weapons. Now with the series finally lowering its curtains for the last time, it is difficult to bid adieu to a friend with whom I have travelled together for such a long time.

My children especially my younger son, is so much into Harry Potter that he is reading each of the books umpteen number of times and has almost all the book by heart (I wish if this was their English text books all the children might have scored a perfect century each time). Now every moment I have to defend myself from his spells which are cast on me. The moment I ask him to study he 'Stupefies' me, when I ask him to pass on something he cries out 'Accio', when he wants to be left alone he 'Obliviates' me. So I have my own Potter at home. All the pages in his books have pictures of the Elder Wand, the symbol of Deathly Hallows, the Sword of Gryffindor and finally Harry himself. At school they have quiz competitions amongst their friends. To beat it all he has now ordered his grandfather to read Harry Potter!!!

This is what I say is the powerful magic of Harry Potter who has spun magic and enchanted young as well as old alike in his dare devil adventure. It is with great sadness that I bid adieu to Harry who will always remain a part of our lives.

A mother's tears

2011-07-28T12:23:00.000+05:30

This incident has left me very disturbed. It was the day when we were anxiously waiting for the recovery of a dear person in the hospital who was in the ICU. My eyes fell on a group of people who were talking to one of the doctors. I could sense that it was something very critical and all three - a woman, a young man and the old man looked really worried.The woman in the group had tears in her eyes.

After this I saw the young man walking from one counter to the other and the old man trying to console the woman. I asked them if there was any way in which we could help them and the old man told us that his grand daughter who had been hospitalised for over a fortnight, was critical and needed blood transfusion immediately. At that, we told them not to worry and managed to arrange for donors. The mother was so very overjoyed that she just thanked us every now and then. She told us that they had come from the village and her daughter who was fourteen had to be admitted to the hospital due to liver problems.

Now that the little girl had received blood transfusion we all heaved a sigh of relief. The mother, her aged father and the young man who we came to know was her son were overjoyed. When in ICU I felt everybody who was there felt a bond with each other as everyone knew what each one of us were going through. Just by the emotions that each one's face reflected was an indicator as to how each one's dear ones were faring.

The time was 4.15 in the evening when the doctors called the young man inside and when he came out we immediately knew something was drastically wrong. Yes, the little girl of fourteen was not able to pull through and had finally given up the battle. We were all totally devastated by this. We had not seen this little girl , but there was a bond which had formed over a period of 3-4 hours. This just shook me and the tears of the mother was something which I could not bear to see. I tried as best as I could to console her but it sounded hollow even to my own ears. Oh! life sometimes can be so very cruel.

The only final act of help that we could do was when they fell short of money.We left them to grieve together. The final memory of that mother was her taking her daughter's clothes to dress her up one last time before the final journey back home.

Unforgettable moment of my life

2011-07-14T17:26:00.002+05:30

This happened when we were in the hospital recently. With the never ending waiting that accompanies any visit to the doctor I then pursue my all time passion - that of observing people around me. Some faces looked tired and worn out, some of them had their eyes closed, maybe tired of waiting for their turn, some of them looked worried and I hoped everything would turn out fine for them and then suddenly I was captivated by a little girl maybe all of two years. She was chubby and had a great twinkle in her eyes. I smiled at her and she hid her face behind her mother's saree and there began a game of hide and seek between us.

Just then the little one's father came and spoke to the mother in a very worried tone and I could sense that there was a lot of agitation on their faces. I asked her if everything was alright and this was what she told me: She said that they had come from a nearby village to the hospital as their little one is suffering from Thalassemia - a disorder of the blood which is inherited wherein the body makes an abnormal form of haemoglobin which destroys the red blood cells and which leads to anemia. People suffering from this disorder need to be given blood transfusions on a regular basis. Now on that particular day the hospital was short of stock and therefore had asked them to find donors for their child. They did not know any one there and so were looking very dejected.

Luckily on that particular day we had also gone to the hospital with a few donors who were to donate blood. When the donors came to know about this, they immediately set about calling their friends and within an hour two donors came and donated blood.

I can never forget the look of gratitude on the face of the parents for whom these two good Samaritans were as if none other than God himself had come to help them. And I stood there marvelling at this wonderful moment that unfolded right in front of us.

A whiff of fresh air

2011-07-02T14:49:00.000+05:30

Well seems to me the ''aam admi" is put to great difficulties day after day. This time it was the diktat from the Govt that all the LPG consumers have to go to the gas agency and submit their LPG number and the Electricity RR no.This drive is against weeding out those who have bogus ration card (I am sure the present day APL generation have never ever heard of something called ration card). The thing is because of this extra burden the personnel working at the gas agency are not taking calls to book gas from consumers.

We therefore had to go personally to collect the gas cylinders as they said that they did not have enough delivery boys to deliver the cylinders home!! My mom had the same difficulty and hence we went to get the cylinder from the agency. Now once we got the new cylinder loaded and put it in our car we paid a small tip to the person who loaded it as we could see he was expecting it.

After getting it home, getting the cylinder inside the kitchen from outside was quite a humungous task so we looked here and there to see if there was someone around who could help us. My eyes fell on a boy of about 18-19 who was working at a nearby construction site. I called out to him and asked him if he could get the cylinder inside. He readily agreed and then lifted the cylinder and placed it inside the kitchen. As he was leaving, by habit I offered him some money and he simply said "No, thanks!" (Did I hear it right?) At first it did not register and then when I tried again he said the same thing and that too in such a polished way I was flabbergasted. I knew this was not the run of the mill person but someone who is a rarity these days. I asked him how much he had studied as his English seemed very polished. He said that he had completed his tenth standard! Since we wanted to show our gratitude we gave him some sweets to eat and he went back to his work.

He came across as a whiff of fresh air amidst such pollution. I wished that may be we all should learn a thing or two from this simple and kind hearted person who is not educated academically but rich in knowledge of love, kindness and sincerity. People like him are the need of the hour, specially given today's state in our country is in. We need more people like him don't you think?

National pride

2011-05-28T14:04:00.000+05:30

Our country celebrated Republic Day and many of us have surely watched the very touching video of the silent national anthem by the speech and hearing impaired children. One could see the pride and joy on the faces of these children.

It is another matter that, of late our country is mired in umpteen numbers of scams and with the kind of message that the Government is coming across each and every one of us the citizens of India seems to have lost their power of voice or even if there is it just seems to be getting drowned unheard in the abyss.

But let me come to the point. As usual after several months we finally went to the theatre to see a movie and after the initial advertisements I was surprised when the message flashed on the screen for all to stand for the National Anthem. I sang the anthem with great gusto. I could feel my chest heave and could feel tears round the corner of my eyes and my heart was bursting with pride. Such is the power of our National Anthem !! The whole atmosphere felt very electric and I am sure every one of them must have felt some kind of deep emotion welling up. I was also happy that my children were also witness to this as otherwise it is only in school that they do sing it everyday.

It was then it stuck me that if we, the honest citizens of this country do our duty with diligence, hard work and loyalty, and also, instill in our children the same sense of values, there is no doubt in my mind that our country will once again rise and shine despite the scam-filled governance we see today. The sincere pride and love we see in the faces of each of the children in the Silent National Anthem should be on all Indians. Don't you think?

What do you say?

Cobbler, cobbler mend my shoe.......

2011-02-15T23:03:00.000+05:30

Every now and then it is very common for my children to come to me with a complaint that the zip of their school bag has come off or the sole of their shoe has come apart or the watch has stopped working and so on and so forth. Each time this happens they ask me for a new one to replace any of the above mentioned items. I tell them that all these can be repaired and can be used for the next ten years and they stare at me amazed.

I realise that unlike olden times our children are getting used to the use and throw culture. Once some thing as small as a zip of the bag is not working they think that it is time to discard it and buy a new one. One cannot really blame them. I guess from the time plastic was invented mass manufacture right from toys to kitchen ware lead to use and discard practice. Over a period of time the children have therefore got used to this.

I remember when we were children and when we had to get our shoe mended we used to go to the cobbler and really enjoy seeing him deftly mending it. Similarly if our kitchen knives were to be sharpened there would be these people who would come and do it (I do not know what they were called) They used to have a metal wheel which they would rotate and hold the knife against it and we would enjoy seeing the sparks fly as they would sharpen the knife. There would also be people who would polish the zari on the sarees, or polish silver ware and so on. But over a period of time these utility professionals yet who were a very integral part of our lives have slowly disappeared from our life.

Just the other day my son told me that the entire sole of his football shoe had come off and he had to get a new one as he had an important match to play. Well I was aghast as it had been bought not so long ago. I told him that this could be repaired and I took my very much sceptical son to a cobbler whom I had just seen open shop close to my house and as we stood there waiting, I was once again mesmorised as his deft fingers nimbly sewed the shoe and within ten minutes when we got the shoe back my son was amazed to see such neat and perfect work and as good as new shoe. He was very happy. That day he learnt that discarding need not be the only solution. As we walked back I pondered sadly as to how long before will these people who have been an important part of our lives last in their specialised profession in this age of technology?

Our children deserve a better India

2011-02-03T12:05:00.000+05:30

I always remember this sanskrit saying "Yatha raaja, tatha praja" (As the king is so will be his subjects). This might be a very old proverb but I should say it is more relevant in today's scenario than at any other time. Every other minute, there seems to be one scam or another tumbling out of this Government's closet. Values like righteousness, truth, honesty, hard work etc., seem to have got buried in the deepest recesses of the earth.

Many a time, I question myself whether this is the same India where we as students used to read about unity in diversity? Is this the same Bharat where the Vedas were born? Is this the same land where great sages and saints once lived to guide mankind? Most importantly is this the same land where Lord Krishna once revealed in such beautiful words the Bhagavad Gita - a beacon showing every man the right path to live?

I feel deeply distressed that our so called elected representatives are busy misusing the mandate given to them by us. When my children read the newspapers they ask me in a matter of fact manner if all the people representing the Government are corrupt? And if they are, why are they not being punished? Now as a parent there are several questions that revolve in my mind. As parents, we try and inculcate the right values in our children right from their impressionable years and follow it ourselves. We encourage them to be truthful and honest all the time. We teach them these values by reading out books like Panchatantra, Ramayana, Mahabharath and so on. We try and teach them about simplicity and austerity by telling them about the life of Shri Ramakrishna Paramahansa, Swami Vivekananda, Gandhiji and so on.

But in the current situation children are old enough to understand what is happening around them. They are more than ever exposed to a world which seems to be contradicting the very values that they are being taught by us. In such a scenario I feel at a loss as to explain to the children why things are so. It comes as no surprise if children have already turned out to be more and more cynical and remain completely unaffected by all the happenings around them, as it seems to have become a daily affair.

It troubles me as to where would all this lead to in future? Is it not a scary scenario? Isn't it a tragedy that our children are growing up in a corrupt India and more dangerously, believing that it's the way of life? Will our future generation be able to uphold the right values?

My little chef

2010-11-29T14:36:00.000+05:30

I guess "Master Chef" seems to be one of those programs that never ceases to interest us. In one of my earlier blogs, I had written about "My very own Master Chefs". I must say my children are still hooked onto the program (the Australian version - they hate the Indian one) and do not seem to tire of it. Words like "dicing, chopping, marinating" all these have now become part of their vocabulary. Not just that when I start serving they ask me why have I not "plated" it well like they do it in the restaurants or as in Master Chef? And to top it all, any dish that I put in front of them goes in for some very serious evaluation a la Matt Preston. They tell me that that the dish has an amazing flavour, or the dish needs to have more of sweetness or sourness or that my plating should be better and so on and so forth!! And here I am struggling and just about managing to plan and make a menu which just needs to be edible and healthy.

The effect of watching this program has now resulted in a lot of experimentation by my kids. Just the other day during the master chef class the method of making hash brown potatoes was demonstrated. Now my elder son told me that the next day he would be preparing this dish. At that moment I just nodded my head without giving it much thought. However the very next evening my son announced that he would be making hash brown potatoes. That night for dinner I had planned on making pizza. When he told me his plan I was definitely not in a mood. That would mean not only experimenting but also would involve more work and I also had my pizzas to prepare. So I asked him to prepare it some other time when I could help him out. But he was adamant. He told me "Mom, you don't need to do anything, just guide me now and then. I will do everything".

With lot of trepidation I gave in. Very soon he was busy washing the potatoes, putting it in the oven and baking it. Next he peeled the skin and grated the potatoes. Now even my husband got interested. Together they put it in the mould and then fried it. In the process my son burnt his finger. But his enthusiasm never waned. Voila! there were several tasty little hash browns resting on the tray and looking very inviting.

That night for dinner we had a feast what with pizzas and hash brown. I should say here that they tasted absolutely amazing. My son was glowing with all the compliments given to him. I felt quite proud of my little master chef.

Mobile maid

2010-11-19T17:54:00.000+05:30

Well, I should say that times are changing fast and technology is no longer an elite subject. Now I see vendors, hawkers, coolies, drivers and not to forget the maids becoming tech savvy. It is not uncommon to see our drivers and maids having much more contemporary ringtones than what we have.

Here's my maid's story. Almost all the maids in our apartment come armed with their mobile phones. My maid is no exception. She proudly brandishes a new mobile handset every once in two to three months. I gawk and am left speechless when she tells me the cost. My logic is simple. I need a mobile solely for the purpose of being accessible to others and also to make a call when I am out of home. I remember when my husband suggested buying a mobile for me I told him that I do not need one as I do not see much use for it. But you see, you don't say no to a birthday gift and my husband used that occasion.

Back to my maid. I find that she gets more calls than I do and the phone miraculously stays glued to her ear while she washes the vessels. All the time, I fear that she would break one of my glass wares. And the calls last for more than an hour. Phew! Not just that - when not on calls she is listening to music on her hands free! Photos, videos, music - you name it she is able to decipher even though she does not know to read English. Isn't that great? I am sure for her parents who come from the poorest of the poor strata seeing their children using such gizmos must be way beyond their imagination.

I felt good for whatever it is worth - the mobile which only a select few could use once upon a time is today a necessity and undoubtedly has ushered in one of the most recognisable consumer revolution in India - a clear indication that even if it's technology, if it's simple to use, well priced and has a utility will reach the masses. Today if I need the help of a plumber or a carpenter I know that they are just a call away.

For that matter I get calls from my maid from her mobile informing me that she will not be able to come to work as she is held up else-where or that she will be coming a little late! Isn't that wonderful, even though it means extra workload?

Would you do away with your watch?

2010-10-29T16:23:00.000+05:30

An interesting news item caught my eye when I was reading my daily dose of news. The headlines read "Wristwatch may be the next casualty" and according to the article, a study has found that more and more people are preferring to rely on newer technology like mobile phones and computers to keep track of appointments, meetings and even to keep track of time. A watch, if used at all, is more for its brand value and designer aspect than for seeing the time. Hence, the study concluded that over a period of time the wrist watches are likely to become obsolete.

Reading that made me reminiscence about my student days. I remember during our time and even during my mom's time, HMT was the most prestigious Indian brand of watch. So if one had an HMT watch, one would wear it with great pride. Watches were quite expensive by our standards in those days and we children had to be "eligible" to wear one. It was almost considered as a family heirloom. My mom used to tell us that her father bought one for her when she was in tenth grade and it was also standard at that time that it should be passed on to her daughters when they reached important milestone like getting into the tenth grade. We almost waited for that moment and when my elder sister got my mom's watch as a gift I was more than eager to get into tenth grade just so that I could also become the proud owner of a watch!!

Well the day came and that day was a very special day and with great pride, I got to wear my mom's beautiful HMT watch (of course my sister got one of her own watch). Owning one's own watch also signified that we were now mature enough to take care of expensive items. I must say the tradition passed on till my youngest sister got it. Just imagine the watch ticked for all those years and years. True to its name, HMT stood by us as the time keepers of the nation.

And therefore, it was sad to read this article predicting the demise of the watch. Definitely the times have changed and are changing faster than I like.

A memorable trip

2010-10-22T10:47:00.006+05:30

The lotus shaped Matrimandir

Holidays are something that one looks forward to. And if the holidays have a travel component to them, then what more could one ask for? Just getting away from the normal routine for sometime gives one that boost of energy to get back to it once again. Also it had been quite sometime since we had last been to any new place and during this Dussehra vacation, we decided on a trip to Pondicherry on the spur of the moment . I wanted to visit Pondi as I had heard so much about it. As we all know, it is the place from where Sri Aurobindo pursued his spiritual journey. Apart from Aurobindo Ashram, there is also Auroville a place conceptualised and built under the supervision of Mother a devotee of Sri Aurobindo. I was excited to just to be able to visit these places.

Amidst lush green surroundings

Aurobindo Ashram I should say has a very serene and old world charm. The well maintained gardens and Shri Aurobindo's samadhi is the highlight here. In Auroville the highlight is the Matrimandir. This is in the shape of a full bloomed lotus and looks majestic amidst the lush green surroundings. This is where people can come and meditate in peace. However the condition is that only people who sincerely wish to do meditation can gain entry and to do this one needs to book well in advance. Much as I wished to, time constraint and an advance booking of three days made it impossible for me to do this. I felt probably this would be the reason for me to go back once again for the sole purpose of meditation.

Wonderful morning hues from the Sky, the Sun and the Sea

The best part that we all enjoyed was the early morning excursions that we made, to walk by the sea side and watch the sun rise. As many poets have described, watching sun rise for the first time or the nth number of time has the same fascinating and wondrous effect every single time. Each time you see it, you find indescribable hues in the sky. No painter can paint this glorious scene and no writer can effectively describe the exact feelings when the dawn breaks. I feel each one of us is affected in different ways and the serenity that one feels goes deep down. That is the time I guess one feels closer to the divine being.

The good thing was our hotel did not have a T.V. Initially I could see children were shocked and disappointed complaining how could they not have a T.V. I felt that these things have become such an integral part of their life, that it is very hard for them to visualise life without it. But we explained that what are holidays meant for if we do not take a break from all those things that we do in our otherwise routine life?

Our early morning sojourns had a very calming effect on the children and I could see them feeling much more relaxed and peaceful. I wished then life would become so much more meaningful and we could realise our true self when one lives in surroundings where great souls lived. Maybe a day will come when one is done with all the responsibilities and that day would be the day when one can live and try and learn the true meaning of life.

No work and all play

2010-10-14T14:31:00.000+05:30

It's that time of the year when parents all around are going around with tense looks. More than household chore or office work as may be the case they look more stressed out. Reason it's exam time and it is just the mid term exam that I am talking about.

Parents have become like those old gramophones which sometimes get stuck at one place and repeat the same lines. I can hear myself repeating the moment I spot the shadow of my children and I go "What are you guys doing here, go up and study. Don't waste time" and when I turn, I find the children have long disappeared. It is more of a hide and seek game where most of the time they hide and I try to seek them.

The moment I open my mouth both the kids say "mamma, please don't give us lectures" and there I am left having to hold back all that I was trying to succinctly put in as few words as possible the importance of doing well in the exams without it seeming to be a lecture. Well all my skills of articulating my thoughts are left hanging high and dry.

However when it comes to computer time and T.V time they are as precise as a stopwatch and appear from nowhere. Suddenly I find them comfortably ensconced on the sofa or on the chair playing games or watching a football match. Such is their focus and concentration on the games or the match going on, it is hard to get any response from them even when they are spoken to.

That leaves me wishing if only that was their exam syllabus. My imagination runs wild for a moment where I feel if their History chapters deal with the origins, dates and matches played in the history of football, geography could deal with locations and teams from where the football players come from, science and technology could be easily dealt with the kind of equipments that the footballers use which are manufactured using the body type of Messi, Ronaldo, Torres and so on and so forth, Physics could deal with the dynamics of motion and energy study of each and every footballer's unique style, then I am sure they would get perfect scores. Imagine the bliss, parents would never then have to worry about exams any more. Life would have been totally tension free. I am then suddenly transported back to the land of reality.

I have found that playtime is also something which cannot be sacrificed at any cost. The moment it is 4.30 I can hear the door slamming and the next minute I can hear whoops of joy and the sound of football game being in progress. Their argument is they need break from studies. When I point out to them that they have hardly spent half an hour of their study time what with breaks for drinking water, juice or munching on savouries in between they close the argument by saying probably I do not know how to read the clock!!

Finally there I am making resolution that henceforth I will not give lengthy lectures or get stuck repeating the done to death lines over and over. Well somehow the moment exam times are round the corner it will be the same all over again.....

Warning: Reading this newspaper in the morning might spoil your day

2010-09-30T12:57:00.000+05:30

The first thing in the morning across the world that none of us can make do without is reading the newspaper. However busy one's morning is, one cannot resist the urge to quickly skim through at least the headlines. Even with T.V where one has access to news 24x7, there is nothing better than having a hot cup of coffee and opening the crisp newspaper and inhaling the delightful smell of that fresh ink.

Did you know that as early as 59 B.C " Acta Diurna" was published on the orders of Julius Caesar who wanted his citizens to be made aware of the major political and social events of the day? Phew! what an idea! And then, Johann Carolus produced hand written news letters called "Relation" and in 1605 he switched over to printing newspapers. So imagine right now we are celebrating 405th anniversary of the birth of the first newspaper in print. What a journey, don't you think?

Despite its glorious history, somehow over a period of time, the ubiquitous newspaper seems to have become more of a fiction thriller. Gory details of murders, thefts, war and killings, vandalism, corruption (most accentuated by vivid pictures) now seem to be the staple diet of all the newspapers. Somehow I guess the editors and the journalists must be feeling that if the news reported is not sensational then it is no news. Accordingly, when we start our day afresh, reading the newspapers only ends up giving more and more negative vibes and we invariably start our day on a morose note. Because all that we seem to be reading is how the whole planet is at war, how the people's representatives are making money, how our neighbouring countries are always trying to make a mockery of peace and so on and so forth.

Articles related to positive side of human nature, courageous acts, developmental work done by some of the most ordinary people which has brought about positive changes in the lives of many people,all these and more seem to be relegated to cameo pieces somewhere in the corner of the newspaper as that does not seem to sell more copies. Many a time I cringe when my children open and start reading the newspaper. There have been plenty of times when I have felt that the news items are so gory that I hide that particular page from my children. Or do you think that our children are getting so used to reading these kind of news and think that is normal? A very dangerous thought, don't you think? Have you ever felt this way? Aren't our children at an impressionable age when these kind of news have a deep impact on their psyche? Should newspapers now have a mandatory warning on the front page - "Reading this newspaper in the morning might spoil your day"? Is there something that can be done? Shouldn't the newspapers make every one of our mornings more positive and pleasant? What do you say?

Bringing the festival traditions back

2010-09-25T11:56:00.000+05:30

August onwards is an auspicious month when many of our festivals are celebrated. Varamahalaksmi, Raksha Bandhan, Gouri and Ganesh Chaturthi, Id, Diwali, all these and many more are celebrated in these coming months.

It is the month of Shravan - the flowers are in full bloom, prayers are being chanted, the sound of the conch and the temple bells resonates and the fragrance of dhoop and agarbatthis wafting in the air. Within the house all the family members have their own tasks. The men folk go out into the market to buy all the necessary items for the pooja and the women folk are busy round the clock to prepare the specialities. It's a busy season what with each festival having its own specific menu that needs to be readied. The children in turn all bedecked in their finery running around with great enthusiasm helping around in decking up the house with fresh mango leaves and flowers, helping in designing rangoli, and ofcourse helping generously in the kitchen by tasting all the sweets and savouries prepared. Wow - that was how festivals were celebrated - with great zest where each and every family member contributed to make each festival a success and a means of thanks giving to God.

Over the years with the changing life style, nuclear families being in vogue and migration to places away from home, somehow has made one lose touch with many of our traditions and customs that we used to follow from times immemorial. Festivals are now no longer the same elaborate affair as it once was. Lack of time, a different life style and maybe a lack of interest too has led to festivals not being celebrated with the same old fervor. As parents we somehow seem to be following less and less of our traditions than what our parents did. Is this making our children not only unaware but also dismissive of our age old festival traditions and practices? Obviously, by not carrying forward our customs and traditions to the next generation, we are running the risk of completely losing them forever.

Our ancestors entrusted their subsequent generations to pass on the traditions to their future generation. Isn't it time we revived and celebrated festivals with the same fervor and zest?

Teacher's Day - only for young kids?

2010-09-07T23:15:00.000+05:30

September 5th of every year is a special day as this is the day when we show our appreciation for all those teachers who have taught us and have played a role in shaping our lives. This role maybe a small one or quite a significant one, one which has profoundly changed the very direction of our life.

These days the child gets to spend just the initial two to three years of his life at home with his mother, father and other immediate elders who teach and shape the child's initial education. After that once the child enrolls into a school, it is the teacher who has a very great influence on the child. Because a child spends roughly 15-18 years (or more depending on how much further we want to study) in schools and colleges. On an everyday basis a child spends about six to eight hours in school. That's a significant part of one's life spent in the portals of school and hence with the teachers.

During this time, the teacher is the child's pivot. Many of us have come across situations where the child becomes so very fond of the teacher that whatever he or she says is the gospel of truth. The way the teacher dresses, her actions, her way of talking, the methodology of teaching all these and more are imitated by the child and hence she becomes the child's role model.

The affection the children have for their teachers is also manifested in their actions - be it taking flowers or making greeting cards themselves on Teacher's Day. But as they grow older, the enthusiasm for taking flowers or making cards seems to go down drastically. Is this the stage when friends become the centre of their lives and every act is based on peer acceptability? Somewhere down the line teachers go down in the hierarchy. Many a time we come across disturbing articles where students have clashed with the teachers, or where teachers have overstepped their role in the name of discipline.

So unless there is mutual respect and love on both sides the real significance of celebrating Teacher's Day is lost. It will just be a day which will be celebrated for the sake of celebrating. Hope some day every teacher and student will forge that special unbreakable bond when each student can sincerely thank their teachers for being a part of their life. That will be the day when one can truly wish their gurus "Happy Teacher's Day".

Just make that call

2010-09-01T12:32:00.000+05:30

During my evening walks in my apartment complex I get to interact with many senior citizens. They have their own groups and many a time, I am pleasantly surprised by their zest and enthusiasm for life. As is the present day scenario many of these elderly people stay on their own either out of their own choice, or because their children are settled abroad and hence feel comfortable to live in a gated community or for various other reasons. However all of them meet up for luncheons, they plan outings together, they have their spiritual gatherings every week etc., In general, they are enjoying their life to the fullest.

When I meet them the talk invariably turns to the topic of their children and their grand children. They tell me with great pride the achievements of their grandchildren, the prizes they won at school / college or the drama that they will be taking part, so on and so forth. More than anything else they just wait for that one phone call from their children and grand children. The day they have had a call, one just knows. They are so full of happiness that they just cannot stop beaming with joy. Physically they might be away from their children but their heart is always with them.

That made me realise that how much a phone call means to them specially at this point of their life. Many a time however we in the prime of our lives are so very busy with our own work and other responsibilities that we somehow invariably intend to call up people who matter the most to us but end up procrastinating. We mean to call but we don't. So, go ahead and just make that call. Bring that joy and make their day. Won't you?

My very own " Master Chefs"

2010-08-30T12:11:00.000+05:30

Of late, my children are in a hurry to finish their home work and studies by 9.00 pm every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. You want to know the reason? Well it is all because of this programme called "Master Chef Australia" which is being aired at 9.00.

We are not very avid T.V watchers. But once while surfing we came across this programme and we got hooked to it. This is all about a competition where amateur cooks (with professions ranging from architect, lawyer, homemaker, IT architect, Business Development) from across Australia have been whittled down to Top 24. The judges subject these chosen Top 24 (who are now called Chefs) to different challenges in order to finally select the one who will win the title of the "Master Chef".

Now my two sons are really hooked on to this programme and watch it with great interest. Not only do they watch it but now have also started taking interest in cooking!! Isn't that great? Infact, right from the beginning I wanted my sons to learn at least the basics of cooking as my view is that, irrespective of gender children definitely need to learn the art of cooking. If not elaborate, at least something to sustain them if and when they go out and have to be on their own.

In India, where domestic cooking is largely the domain of the woman, even today many men neither enter the kitchen nor cook even in emergencies. Hence they end up eating outside food when the woman of the house is away from home for a long time. This trend is now changing and programmes like these seem to be helping children in a positive way.

Well, the icing on the cake was when my son treated us to a pasta dish which he prepared all on his own. I was very proud of this great achievement and now I can rest my legs up at least now and then and enjoy some culinary specialties coming out of my kitchen prepared by my own two " Master Chefs".

Missing Patriotism

2010-08-24T17:34:00.000+05:30

A bit late in the day to talk about what happened on 15th August, the Independence Day but couldn't stop myself from putting these thoughts down. In our apartment complex, we had a flag hoisting ceremony at 9.30 am and singing of patriotic songs, dance etc thereafter. The celebrations came to a close with the singing of the national anthem. I could see many small children, middle aged and senior citizen residents participating with great gusto. As I was looking around I felt something was missing and wondered what it was. Then it came to my mind that there was not a single teen there. This included my children too. Though I had given instructions to my children to get ready fast and come down they decided skip the celebrations. I was indeed sad that day that I couldn't influence my own kids to participate in what is a proud moment for millions of our countrymen.And it made me wonder - what could have led to this apparent lack of emotion of today's teens towards the country's best moment?

My personal view is that today's teens (I have to qualify the definition of 'teens' in my assessment - my perspective is based purely on observing the urban, middle - upper middle class teens and hence, might not be representative of the universe) live in a world entirely different from what their parents / grand parents did.
a. There are far too many influences / distractions they have to encounter be it TV, cricket/football, mall culture, movies, branded goods or peers. Study is just one of the many things they have to do.
b. With so much news reporting about the unclean politics, corrupt politicians, there is hardly any respect for the political system
c. They live in a world that is hugely materialistic - everything is measured in money and hence, there is a sense they are getting used to that if there's money, anything's possible.
d. There is very little time for value education - daily prayers, occasional temple visits, social interactions, learning traditional arts or even attending family functions.

Is it this change of socio-cultural ecosystem that has made them not feel that emotion of patriotism. It is almost like they are happy within their own cocoon. If one asks the youth as to what their perspective is about celebrating independence day the answer would be that it is a day that they can enjoy and relax. I wonder if anybody would care to remember the sacrifice made by thousands of people for us to enjoy the freedom that we are enjoying today.

I was just wondering the reason for this apathy specially among our youth who feel even attending the Independence day celebration as a waste of time. Is it because the youth today are exposed almost everyday to violence and crime in the media that they have developed immunity and do not want any part of it as long as everything is hunky dory in their lives. Are they thinking 'We have enough problems already what with pressures of studies and exams' - so why bother? Is this the reason I wonder.

Is it because of the fact that our country is being run by people whose average age falls in the bracket of 60+? People in power definitely cling to it even if they are invalid or senile. So is it that the youth feel that there is hardly any scope for them to bring about that much needed change?

Or is it because a kind of pessimism has already set in that they feel nothing can be done? If this is this reason, it needs serious consideration as I feel this is more dangerous. Are we as parents equally responsible for passing on our own cynicism to our children? Are we able to stress on values like honesty, sincerity, hard work, truthfulness without sounding preachy? Everyday we hear cases of blatant corruption taking place, guilty being let off without being punished, sincere and honest people not given due recognition. One feels things are so wrong but at the same time one feels helpless. How do we answer our children? Yes, as parents we try and inculcate good values in our children but sometimes one also wonders if these will help them when they go out to face the real world? Will this lead to frustration in them when there is a clash in the values instilled in them and the harsh realities which they will face in their future life?

Patriotism and love for one's country should come from within and cannot be forced. But there is an urgent need to rekindle the spirit of patriotism in our youth before it is too late. How do we as parents do that ? Any ideas?

When the child starts growing up

2010-08-09T12:55:00.003+05:30

Well life is full of paradox I guess. It all began when one of my cousins posted, that for the first two years of the child's life we keep begging them to walk and talk. The next sixteen we just ask them to sit down and shut up. Just go back to your child's early life if he has already grown up, if not you you can take this as a statutory warning.

I remember how much we parents await that special moment when the child utters the word ' mama' or 'papa'. Even before the child is able to talk we tend to constantly encourage and talk to the child all the time. Then comes the moment when he actually speaks a few words and then graduates to sentences. We all go totally ooh-aah about the cute kiddish language that the children speak. After this initial euphoria we are brought back to earth by the teacher in the school complaining of the child talking too much. The next thing you know we are busy telling the kids to stop talking. Who can forget some of the gaffes that has led to embarrassing moments in front of a whole lot of people because the child decided to exhibit his vocabulary skill?

When it comes to walking who can forget the first baby steps? That event itself called for big celebration and lot of cheering. Remember the time they mastered the art of running rather than walking and in the bargain knocked off those lovely glass and crystal ware? Remember the sojourns to the super markets, when we are in a tearing rush and hence would rather carry the child and finish things faster, they refuse to be carried and would rather walk and all you can do is wait patiently for him to walk those few paces?

Then comes the stage when he has mastered the art of walking and running perfectly, but now insists that he be carried!! He will not budge, and if need be he will sit there right on the road and stage a dharna. What with all the glares that the passersby gives, you finally end up carrying the heavy tyke.

The next paradox is when it comes to taking them out. When they are small and if it is a nuclear family then wherever the mother goes the little one tags along. Many a time haven't we all felt the need for that carefree shopping experience where we could blissfully shop without keeping an eye all the time on our little one whose sole purpose would be to bring down the whole super market in the wink of an eye? Oh! how we wish that our child grows up faster. Then comes the time when they are ten or eleven, when we have to beg them to come with us to attend family functions and we are met with a forceful and loud ' no' and 'never'.

Well If I were to list out more, it will run into reams of pages, don't you think? This is what then makes the art of parenting difficult to master. What do you say?

Recycling lessons from Buddha

2010-08-06T11:02:00.000+05:30

Recently I read this interesting story of Buddha. One of his disciples goes to him and says that his robe was old and ragged and therefore he needed a new robe. Buddha saw that the robe was indeed in tatters and so he gave him a new one. The next day Buddha went up to his disciple and asked him what he did with his old robe. The disciple told him that he was using the robe in the kitchen as kitchen napkin. Buddha asked him what happened to the old kitchen napkin and the disciple told him that that cloth was being used to mop the floors and when asked what he did with the old mop the disciple told him "Master the wick that is being used to light our rooms is actually the strips of that discarded mop cloth". Buddha was immensely happy with his disciple. Nothing wasted! Now that is what recycling is all about and you have people telling you recycling is a modern concept.

Reading this story made me wonder at our present times. Right from olden times, be it our grandparents or parents, the thing that I observed was that they were very careful about not wasting even a single thing and managed wonderfully. I guess our ancestors even in those times realised the worth of nature and her gifts. They never took things for granted. But somewhere down the line the concept of recycling and making use of every single thing has been totally lost. How many times have we not gone to the malls and bought things on an impulse? Then coming back home realised that, that was actually not what we wanted and hence put it aside as junk and then finally one day discard the whole thing even without using it for one single day?

How much food we order in the restaurants and then waste it because we did not order wisely? How much food gets wasted when we arrange functions and other large events? In the long run, the consequences are there for all to see. We are all now worried about global warming and pollution and waste disposal and so on and so forth.We never think of giving back to nature, but are always interested in looting what is given by nature. Is it not high time that we as parents educate ourselves first and bring about awareness in our children and make this earth a habitable place to live in? What we must be aware of is that, the more conflict we have with nature the worst affected will we be.

Nothing will get done if we wait for someone else to do it for us. It is left to us take the first step and make this earth a habitable place for our future generation to live in.

Teens and Trends

2010-08-02T22:05:00.003+05:30

Now that one of my sons is in his teens and the other is getting there, we are getting used to a totally different concept when it comes to their sense of dressing, hair style and a whole lot of things concerned with their personal appearance.

For sometime now, both my sons have started to wear their trousers really low. When I first spotted this, I thought that they probably might have forgotten to pull up their pants properly in their hurry to get ready for school early in the morning. When I tried pulling up the trouser, I was politely asked by my son that he had worn his pants low deliberately as that was how everyone dressed up these days!

I stared in wonder at the way the pant was defying the law of gravity and staying in its place way below the hips on his thin frame!! Wearing trousers too high they lectured me was just not in. After this whenever we went out they would point out people on the street and that was when I noticed trousers on most of the hips being miraculously balanced. The best was when we had gone to get the new sets of uniforms. I found many parents and children at the apparel shop arguing about how low the trouser / skirt should be worn for it to be the right size. Finally as is the case these days, I found that it was the children who got their way. Lesson number one - the younger generation is besotted with low jeans and my children have just been a part of it.

The next in line was the hair. Getting the boys to go to the barber for a trim has now become an arduous task of negotiations (almost akin to the Indo-Pak talks). It involves the issue of the length and the amount of hair that needs to be trimmed. Short hair is apparently not the "in" thing. So, it's always a point of view between 'medium' and 'short'. So, we agree that it would be medium in the front and short at the back. And they do not visit a barber during the vacation time. However, they have to get a trim just before school reopens, to stay with in the permissible limits of the school rules.

And then there are these weird hairstyles that both turn up by wetting their hair with water (thank god they do not gel) and styling it into spikes. These styles vary according to the cartoon character which would be the flavor of the season or their favourite football hero. Lesson number two - just pretend they are not with you when people around give stares at the weird style.

The next is the dress that they wear. These days I see that all I need to invest in, are a couple of football jerseys and any time we go out it would be just those three or four jerseys which are worn, be it while going down to play with their friends or going for birthday parties. The height of it is when they come dressed in these jerseys even while attending weddings and other formal occasions. Most of the time the colour they are in is red. As they are right now at a rapidly growing stage, I do not like to buy many t-shirts as they outgrow them rather quickly. But even the few formal / non-jersey shirts that they have are just languishing in the wardrobe. Lesson number three - I have forgotten what primary and secondary colours and their hues are. The only colour I know is red, red and more red.

Well these oddities are what then makes teen years so very distinct from all the other years in a child's life I guess. As parents, going along with this tide makes life easier for both parents as well as their teen aged children.Will keep you guys posted with some more lessons that I will be learning along the way. If you can in the meantime enlighten me on some of the other oddities that I should be aware about, keep me posted well in advance so that I can plunge into the battlefield well prepared!!

Robot - Teacher?

2010-07-29T15:55:00.000+05:30

Recently a newspaper article titled "Students, meet your new teacher, Mr. Robot" caught my eye. It said that around the world computer scientists are developing robots that can teach simple skills like household tasks, vocabulary or elementary knowledge. South Korea is said to be hiring hundreds of robots as teacher aides and classroom playmates. In fact, work is going on to create robots who will learn as they teach and therefore will become highly informed instructors.

Whew! Technology seems to be moving at a real rapid pace, don't you think? Imagine a robot taking over the role of a teacher completely!! One thing for sure - knowledge wise I guess the robots will be far superior and maybe children will get more accurate information and information that would be up to date. This until any malfunctioning happens to the system! Imagine a school campus where one would see children and the robots walking around. Parent-robot meetings will be held where the robot I guess will give an accurate picture of our child. This might be a scene quite out of a sci-fi movie. If the robots are correcting the exam papers too then probably it would be more accurate and the percentage of error might be very negligible. Hence there will be no need for all those thousands of students to go in for re-evaluation. There will also be no last minute strikes that the teachers usually resort to just before the evaluation of exam papers. Fifth September will be celebrated as " Happy Robot Teacher's Day". Roses and other flowers will be given to the robots as token of appreciation!!

However the most important thing missing out of this entire picture will be the emotional factor and the human touch. The rustling of the the teacher's Saree, the sound of her bangle, the looks and words of encouragement from one of our favorite teachers (specially during the foundation years), the pranks that one could play on a teacher, the punishments that one would get for not paying attention! All these and more will be entirely missing. Even after more than two decades of completing our studies we still have so many fond memories of our favorite teachers don't we? How we still cherish those moments in our lives. Don't we all remember that one teacher who changed the course of our entire life?

So I wonder whether it is a good idea to have robots as teachers? Would they make for ideal teachers? As it is life is becoming far too mechanical so would this make the life of our children even more mechanical and wooden faced with no display of emotions? Or would it lead to more productive learning? I am confused. What do you as parents feel about this? Do let me know.

Act of love

2010-07-26T11:00:00.000+05:30

Many of the lessons in bonding I have learnt have come from unexpected quarters. My maids!! I should tell you this. My maid hails from a very small village. Her family was once upon a time very well to do with lots of land. However, over a period of time all that remained finally was just a small piece of land. Her father was a drunkard and in one of his drunken bouts he struck his wife who was hurt very badly. The impact left her bed ridden and it was after a very long time that she was able to manage to cook and do a little bit of household work. Her legs couldn't support her and she could only crawl.

In search of a better future, my maid came to Bangalore and started work. She was so very hard working that pretty soon she was able to rent a small room and get her sisters to join her. I should say all the sisters equally worked hard. My maid being the oldest among all (Oldest meaning she is now 18 or 19) was the one who managed the entire finance. Once they were able to put together some money they had collectively saved, the first thing they did was to rebuild their ancestral house in their village as it was in a very bad condition.

Next thing that my maid did was to bring her mother from the village and take her to an ayurvedic doctor to be treated. Though she used to work in almost six households she would rush back home to take her mother to the doctor regularly. She would buy whatever medicine the doctor would recommend and plus take her mother for therapy. Slowly after a long and slow process her mother started regaining sensation in her legs. From crawling she was able to walk one step at a time and slowly is now able to walk much more comfortably. During all this, the father and her brother absolutely did nothing in contributing either financially or otherwise. All that was done was collectively done by the daughters and specially my maid who meticulously planned out the whole thing. And that too at such a tender age shouldering the burden of the whole family. I was very touched. What a wonderful act of love. Here were a few souls who went beyond their needs and selflessly did their duty with so much of love. An act definitely worth emulating for all of us don't you think?

I would definitely love to hear from you if you have come across people who have been selfless in their acts.

The different hues of relationships

2010-07-19T18:59:00.000+05:30

In life I guess each one of us look for that special bond around which our entire life revolves. Human beings who are rightly called social animals form strong bonds. This is of utmost importance for the very survival of human beings. In our life time at all stages the relationships that we form give anchor to our life. Be it the the selfless love shared between the mother and the daughter, the son and mother, daughter and the father, son and the father, the grand bonding between the grandparents and the grandchildren, the now war now peace bonding between the siblings, the romantic bond between the just married couple which later blossoms into a beautiful relationship, that wonderful and fulfilling bond between friends; all these give stability to one's life and bring immense satisfaction when it is nurtured through the ups and downs in one's life time.

My last blog post "The grand bond" got varied comments. Some said it took them down memory lane of all the good times that they had shared with their grandparents. Some said that this bond does help children immensely. Some said that being abroad this was one precious relationship that their children miss out on in their life time.

There were other comments too where some felt that grandchildren hardly spent enough time with the grandparents as they grew older. Some were of the opinion that having grandparents at home created conflicts specially in the area of discipline, while there were a few views that grandparents are taken care of only for the monetary benefits that they might bring in.

Well, relationships with people who matter the most not only bring joy but at times it does bring with it pain and anguish too.Who can forget the concern and worry of the mother when the child falls down the first time? Similarly the joy of hearing the word "Mama" or "Papa" for the first time is unforgettable. The trauma that parents undergo with teens at home is something else altogether.So happiness in relationship is gained by going through the ebbs and tides by taking things into our stride and giving the best shot with equanimity.

The needs and wants of the child vary at different stages of life. When they are young, they need constant support of the parents or grandparents at all times. As they grow up they are busy finding their own calling and at that time the amount of interaction comes down drastically. Finally there comes a stage when the babies, now grown up will fly away from the nest leaving behind only memories. Measuring relationships in terms of gains utterly undermines the beauty of relationship.

Bhagavadgita says that the only relationship that is long lasting and one which is forever true and one which is selflessly given is the relationship between God and You. Relationships needs to be nurtured. So shouldn't we give our all to each of the relationship that we have formed here and now and find true happiness?

The Grand Bond

2010-07-14T16:53:00.000+05:30

In our apartment complex apart from moms and maids taking out their children / wards in the evenings I find a lot of grandparents taking their grandchildren out to play in the park downstairs. It is a very touching sight to see the older and the younger generation sharing good times with each other.

I see grandparents walking their grandchild in the stroller. Another grandfather pushing a tricycle or another trying to teach his grandchild to learn to cycle. Many a time, I see grandparents taking their grandchildren to the shop down the road to get that packet of chips or chocolates which the child must have insisted on getting. You all know that with grandparents around children know how to get things which they want.

Both grandparents and grandchildren share a special bond between them.If the grandparents are living in the same house then there is nothing like it. Who better to make their favourite dish at all odd times when mom says she can't. The grandmother. When they get hurt and need that sympathy factor who better than grandparents to fuss around. The little brats know where to hide when parents get angry. You guessed it - the grandparents are their shields. They know their genie is none other than the grandparents who will make every one of their wish come true. At night, many of the epics come alive with the soothing voice of the grandmother narrating the story of Ramayana or Mahabharatha or Panchatantra.

The unconditional love that grandparents have for their grandchildren makes this relationship an unbreakable bond. It was a pleasure to watch this evening a little child of two years walking hand in hand with her grandfather, both deep in conversation oblivious of the world around them.These special moments show that children need their grandparents as much as the latter need the former for company. While the grandchildren are in their childhood stage the grandparents are reliving their childhood through their grandchildren. And as one watches this relationship, one realises that both of them are actually acting as anchors to each other.

Farming - Real vs Virtual

2010-07-01T11:49:00.004+05:30

Farmville became a favourite hobby of people when it got started on facebook. I found a whole lot of them getting hooked onto that irrespective of the age group . My children also got hooked to it about a few months back. I could hear long and serious discussion happening about what trees to be planted, or which animal should they buy, or what they need to trade with their friends. They would also go onto farmville umpteen number of times. When questioned about the frequency they would say they had to do it or else their crops would wither!! I jokingly told them that if they were so very passionate about farming why not try real farming than waste time on virtual farming? They asked me where and how they could they do it?

That set me thinking. City bred children have no clue whatsoever about farming and agriculture. Though we say that India is an agrarian country so much has changed over a period of time. Agriculture has basically had farmers who over generations have been doing nothing but tending their fields. But so many factors have led to changes in the field of agriculture. Farmers faced with vagaries of nature, the burden of loan repayment, lack of scientific farming methods, their children going on to study and getting into different fields all these have contributed to agriculture taking a back seat.

I remembered the house help whom we had long time back. She had told me that she had enrolled her son into a boarding school. Later I asked her as to how her son was coping with his studies? She told me that he does like it and not only studies but as part of the curriculum the children had to also work in the fields early in the morning. I really liked the idea. Atleast children at a young age will come to know about the hard work that goes into bringing them that one plate of rice or roti to the table. Not only that I thought even if one child out of fifty in a class gets interested and takes it up as his future profession we will have more "Educated farmers" who would then bring about better ways of farming techniques and a different approach altogether.

The other day I read this article saying that a farmer in New Zealand has come out with a new scheme where children can go to his farm and look after a cow during their free time. Isn't this a way of building a bridge between the rural and the urban lot? Will it not be a good concept to introduce this as part of curriculum to our young children which would have a long term effect in the development of our country? This would also bring children closer to nature and teach them to live in harmony with it. Is it then not better to have real experience than idling time away playing a virtual game?

Happy Father's Day

2010-06-18T18:18:00.014+05:30

This Sunday the third week of June is being celebrated as Father's Day. Did you know that it was first held on June 19th 1910? This day is celebrated in honoring and celebrating fatherhood and paternal bonds.

Memories flood my mind. Not a single day goes by without me remembering my dad. He was a person who had come up the hard way and therefore always had a positive perspective towards life.

He enjoyed taking us out on weekends. It would just be simple outings like sitting on the steps of Vidhana Soudha and looking at life passing by, or a walk down Commercial street, MG Road or Lalbagh. Eating out was also something that he loved. Places like MTR, Coffee House, Vidyarthi Bhavan, were his favourites depending on the areas that we visited.

His passion was travelling and seeing new places. Luckily, his job took him to different parts of the world and he would describe to us in detail about the places that he had visited. He also used to enjoy nature a lot. He immensely enjoyed watching sunrise and sunsets while going on vacation to picturesque hill stations or in our native place. Infact we were also woken up early just so that he wanted us also to appreciate the beauty of nature.

He was spiritually inclined right from an early age and he used to collect lots of spiritual record albums. Every night after dinner we all used to sit with lights switched off to listen to melodious bhajans sung by Lata Mangeshkar, Suman Kalyanpur, Bhimsen Joshi, Sudhir Phadke. He also loved listening to instrumental music and therefore as children we also learnt about Allah Rakha, Bismillah Khan, Pt. Shivkumar Sharma and many other eminent masters and developed that deep love for music.

He started collecting spiritual books right from his younger days. This collection he would say was to keep him occupied the day he would retire from work. And he did exactly that. After his retirement, he did a two year course in Sanskrit just so that he could understand the meanings of the shlokas from Bhagavadgita and Puranas. But his field being science and specially being into research and development, he started reading lots of science books and spiritual books. His aim was to connect science and spirituality. It was also that time when Aastha, Sanskar and other channels dealing with spiritual aspect of life started. This was a great way for him to expand his spiritual horizon.

He spent a lot of time documenting his observations in a compilation, from the research he had done in quest of finding answers to the simple question "Who Am I?" and was in the process of sending it to different publishers, but I guess God had other plans. Before he could finish his task, he went personally on that long journey seeking answers from the almighty himself.

It's now been one and half years but not a single day goes by without remembering him. A special thanks to God to have given me such a wonderful father who has held me and led me this far in life along with my dear mother.

Noble Soul

2010-06-16T11:00:00.006+05:30

At one of the family functions recently I got to meet this man. My cousin who was sitting with me pointed out to a man who had just then walked up and had sat in front of us. He was quite an ordinary looking man who could go unnoticed like many millions of us.

My cousin told me that he was one of her relatives. She told me that this gentleman was working in a bank and that he had now retired. After his retirement he got some lump sum money from the bank as part of his retirement benefits along with his pension. I was just wondering where all this was leading to when she told me that with that money he opened a school in his native place with the intention of giving education to those children who could not afford it. I was stunned!

Just imagine - here was a man who could have led a quiet retired life. It was not as if he was rich by today's standards but he could have been comfortable with his retirement fund. But he decided to take the road less travelled by and put his money into a cause that would potentially bring about a change in the lives of thousands of children. All his life savings invested into creating brighter future for the next generation. What a noble soul indeed!!

Our elected representatives cry hoarse over lack of funds to do any developmental work - perhaps an excuse not to do anything worthwhile - and show little accountability to the society that has elected them. They should look at this example to know that all it needs is a resolve to do that one wants to do.

It takes just that spirit of willingness to part and share what one has. And it just takes one such noble person to bring about a sea change to millions in our country.

Preserving the little threads of culture

2010-06-15T14:23:00.006+05:30

We attended the thread ceremony of my cousin's son yesterday. The child was all of seven and was looking very resplendent in his traditional attire. It brought back memories when we had celebrated our sons' thread ceremonies. It was celebrated just as they completed their seven years.

Upanayanam as it's called has a sense of deep beauty and significance attached to it. In Sanskrit "upa"- near and "nayanam"- eye. So bringing the Ultimate Truth in sight is what this term means. The child learns the secrets of life through sacred mantras. According to Indian philosophy a Brahmin has to undergo this Upanayanam ceremony.

This also signifies the formal entrance of the child into student life. (Of course, the child today starts schooling at as early as two and a half years of age!) In olden times, the parents would hand over the child after this ceremony to the care of the Gurus who would then take them under their wings and teach them the greater knowledge of life.

There is this particular aspect in this ceremony where the mother puts the child on her lap and feeds him beaten rice with curd and jaggery. This is a very touching moment as this signifies that this would be the last meal that a mother would feed her little one before he leaves with his Guru. The father then places the child on his lap and whispers the sacred Gayatri Mantra into his son's ears. As a parent these beautiful moments will be cherished and remembered. Every religion has its very own practices which keep us rooted to our culture.

In today's world where technology has entrenched firmly in our day to day lifestyle, I feel as parents it is our duty to preserve and pass on our age old practices and culture no matter what era we live in. These are after all the anchors of our very existence and identity.

Oh B(r)other!!

2010-06-15T13:16:00.007+05:30

That evening I was indulging in my favourite hobby of observing people from my balcony. I guess I have mentioned in one of my earlier blogs that observation gives a lot of insights about a person. Anyways, as it was still a little too early I saw only two children - a boy and a girl - playing down in the garden below. The little girl was dressed in a pretty floral dress and must have been about four and she had a pretty paper crown on her head. I could see she was regally walking all around - the little princess.

The little boy who I guess was her brother was also playing with a stick in his hand. No Girlie stuff for this little man who must have been all of six. All of a sudden the strong wind blew away the little princess' crown. Her brother immediately ran after it and got it and walked towards his sister. I was so very admiring this little act of love between the brother and the sister when true to the saying "Oh B(r)other", he just ran away with the crown while the little princess ran after him to rightfully claim her crown. He ran between the gaps in the fence and would wait until his sister also would with great difficulty squeeze herself through the gap and just as she would think he was within her reach he would run at lightening speed. This happened for quite sometime.

Finally the girl started howling and the brother realised what would be in store for him if he did not return back the crown, decided to return it. But the way he gave it back was also so typical of boys. He just threw it on the ground laughing and at the same time stamped on it and ran away. The poor little princess must have by now been so used to her brother's teasing ways took it and straightened it and restored it again to its rightful place. The last I saw her she was again regally walking- with her superb crown resting beautifully on her head.

Isn't this a typical brother and sister thing? haven't we all gone through this at one time or the other? I sighed Oh Boy or should I say Oh B(r)other!!

Why can't India be a happy place for mothers?

2010-05-10T12:16:00.010+05:30

Recently, I had posted a blogpost celebrating motherhood. My joy was shortlived when I read an article titled "India not a happy place for mothers" in the newspaper. The report goes on to state that India ranks 73 in the list of 77 nations rated for the "best place to be a mother". The most shocking part it says is that India is rated much lower than a host of conflict ridden African countries. Health care system is what is supposed to be the main reason as there is shortage of trained health workers in the semi-urban and rural villages.

Now isn't that shocking? Even after sixty three years of independence we have still not been able to penetrate large pockets of rural India. As Mahatma Gandhi had said India is a country of villages and progress is possible only when it happens at grassroot level. India which is known to have given the highest sanctity to motherhood is sadly lacking in giving the rightful place of honour to the mothers.

Low income levels, poverty, malnutrition, superstitious beliefs, and lack of education all put together play havoc on a womans life. When there is utter poverty at home the first person who sacrifices for the sake of her family is the mother. This in turn affects the entire family. It is so shocking to see families struggling to get even one simple meal. Many a time children are fed watery porridge and that is their meal for the whole day. The next day is an uncertainty. Imagine the mothers emotional feelings when she cannot even afford to give one proper single meal for her child. She must be dying a million deaths every second.

The government announces different schemes and releases crores of money. Who benefits from these schemes no one knows. I guess education is the only means that could bring about a wholesome change in our country in the long run. As the saying goes "you educate a woman, you educate the whole family". The sooner we realise this and work towards this end the better. There will then be no doubt about making India one of the happiest places for mothers and the joys that motherhood brings about. That day would truly be a celebration of Motherhood.

From one mother to another

2010-05-08T11:56:00.010+05:30

I read this poster long time back at my paediatrician's clinic. It said "As God could not be everywhere, he created Mothers". Wow! I was just reflecting that the word "mother" in many languages that I have heard starts with ma or aa. Mother, mai, aai, maa, ammi, mere, madre etc. I wonder if that started with the basic sound of "OM"- the first sound that was when the world was evolved. It almost appears as motherhood is a divine task entrusted to women.

Now that is as far as philosophy goes. Almost all women look forward to that special moment of becoming a mother. Cuddling the tiny bundles, pacifying them when crying, feeding them when hungry, seeing them blossom, take their first steps, utter their first words, give immense satisfaction and pleasure to the Mother. As there is no set recipe when it comes to parenting, the female gender has been given that special gift called "instinct".

Instinct, practical knowledge, love, understanding, patience, discipline all these go together in parenting. Each child is unique and finding our way through, is what this balancing act of motherhood is all about. Whether a mother is working outside of her home or she is working for her family by being at home all have different kinds of challenges to handle when it comes to parenting. It is never an easy task bringing up a child in a balanced way.

Many a time one has to re-examine and change one's outlook depending on the situation and the need of the hour. Hence parenting is a process of constant evolution and a learning process both for the parents as well as for the child. Situation today does not make it any easier. Everyday brings with it new dilemmas, challenges and problems. For a mother it is all about finding ingenious ways and means to overcome all these and find new avenues. Motherhood is no less than running an efficient corporate house, but at the end of the day we are not about numbers and figures but much more important than that- shaping the future generation. This is in the hands of the mother. While there's no denying the fact that fathers also have to play a very important role in the process, my fellow mothers would agree that it is the mothers that have been given that special first place in the life of every child.

Finally, the biggest reward any mother can get is when, first and foremost, our children grow up into good human beings with the right values and do well in life, making every day a celebration of Motherhood. On this special occasion, here's wishing "Happy Mother's Day" to all you wonderful mothers across the world.

Siblings - the bond goes deeper

2010-04-17T12:13:00.006+05:30

Both my sons, who have an age gap of two years, have been the best of buddies most of the times, co-conspirators in all the pranks that they have played many a times and also the worst of the enemies. This depends on situations prevailing at that particular time. Those who have siblings will understand this.

From past twelve years since my younger son was born, they have been like conjoined twins. They have always gone to the same schools, they have travelled together in the same school bus, have been taken on outings together, have had the same set of friends outside of school. Within school they both know each others' friends too! Even when they joined some of the hobby classes we would prefer enrolling them into the same activity or even if it was a different activity it would be within the same premises. In short, they have been together almost all the time.

But this summer vacation we decided it was high time they took a break from each other and get to experience this phase of life too. We decided to pack our younger son to my sister's place in another city. My elder son had summer classes to attend to. We thought this would give both of them some breathing space. When we told both of them about this plan, my younger one said that it would be a good thing as he thought that his brother had been troubling him a lot of late. The elder one said he could now enjoy some peaceful times without his younger brother bothering him all the time.

The D-Day arrived and my younger one left. For about an hour my elder one went out swimming with his friends, played and came back home. After sometime we heard him talking over the phone to his brother. That night it self he started telling us that he was feeling bored, he did not know what to do, there was no one to play with. Within three hours of separation we knew that he was already missing his brother!!

Several calls happened to and fro (I am sure this time I will be given a huge telephone bill) between the brothers and is still happening. In fact my sister told me that my younger son was not his usual exuberant self. After spending the first day there, my younger one called me and asked me as to when I would be coming to pick him up and I asked him why he was asking? He said "Mamma - I am missing Anna (elder brother) a lot".

That sentence brought tears into my eyes. Well what more could I ask? I felt siblings might fight, be cross with each other, irritated with each other but above all there is this great connection between them. Despite all those arguments, they share a very strong bond with each other. I felt such would be their love that in their later years of life they both will have each other to fall back on during all times. Who better to understand your problems and to share your special moments and could be your best friend for a life time than your very own brother or sister?

Celebrating the journey of parenting - a century of blog posts

2010-04-13T10:59:00.009+05:30

Hey folks this is my first century- my one hundredth blog. Well it's been long overdue. A couple of years ago when my husband suggested that I start writing blogs encompassing my experiences of parenting, I had doubts. What would I be writing about? Would people be interested in reading it?

But then I noticed there were so many things to write about; my day to day experiences, experiences of other parents, trend stories - all these have become interesting materials for my writing. Yes many a time I have had the typical "writer's block" or let's say sheer laziness. But every time there's been a lull in my blog posts, I have received encouraging mails from friends and readers to restart writing. And the result is here - a century of blog posts.

My experiences over a period of time has taught me that there is no sure fire recipe for the art of perfect parenting. We all learn as we travel through the rough paths, the turns and the curves and sometimes the sharp hairpin bends, and several times being at the crossroads. All these account for my extraordinary journey of parenting. This art of course is not exclusive to human beings alone but many a things can be learnt from animal kingdom too, as you might have read in my series of posts on parenting in animal world - part one, two, three and four.

Parenting covers a wide spectrum of life. It comes with many rewards like in my post "Happy Daughter's Day" or sometimes pains as in "Worth the sacrifice?". It has its moments of courage "An ode to unsung heroines" and sometimes despair "Innocence lost". There are hilarious moments like the "Roller coaster of an exam ride" and moments of sheer frustration as in "cooking travails of a mom". Sometimes there are moments of clash in ideals and views as in "Gifts to children - be conservative or be liberal?" or complete harmony as in "Earth hour = family hour". I should say parenting covers a whole gamut of emotions in one's lifetime.

One thing that I have observed though; in earlier times parenting was very simple and relatively easy. But over a period of time parenting has become a lot more complex. Things have changed a lot since we were children. Guess every generation feels so when it is their turn! Everyday brings with it a new problem to deal with and a new solution to look for. It has now become quite a task for parents to juggle the issues and they need to constantly evolve and find ingenious ways of facing these challenges.

It's been a 3-year old journey and hopefully, will be a much longer eventful and an enjoyable journey. Hence I shall continue to go on this ride through the eyes of a pondering parent and look to share my thoughts with all you my dear friends, some who are known to me and others who are faceless but who have read my blogs and given very insightful comments and have been a source of encouragement. Here's wishing all of you a very happy parenting journey.

Changing face of kids' holidays

2010-03-31T13:03:00.008+05:30

Children have started their much deserved summer break after a gruelling academic session. Keeping their children engaged through these two tough months is the question looming large for all the parents. And that too for two hot months when temperatures soar not just outside but inside the house too!

Back then during our childhood days, we used to look forward eagerly to these summer vacations as it was time to visit our grandparents typically in a small village. But sadly villages are no longer villages but have become mini towns. Infact in many cases, the grandparents have shifted from villages and settled down in towns/cities. Hence, in a lot of cases, a village 'homestay' is an experience that we cannot give our children.

I remember having fun climbing trees and climbing little hillocks and once even being chased by a bull and the way we all tumbled down the mountain in our haste to escape from this raging bull. But now my children have no trees to climb leave alone hillocks and the only thing that they have to run away would be from stray dogs, and the bulldozing vehicles on the road!

I cannot forget the delicious cooking done on fire wood at my grandmother's place. She would lovingly and painstakingly prepare all the traditional food and make yummy snacks like boondi laddoos, rava laddoos, murukkus, sev and so many more. We were forever devouring it as though that was to be our last meal. Absolutely no restrictions and lectures about diet and weight. Infact the more we ate the wider the smile on that delightful face of my grandmother would be. This would spur her to cook more extra delicacies for her grandchildren.

But now our children grumble about eating plain, traditional food. The present day grandmas need to be experts in international cooking styles ie. Chinese, Italian or other Continental, if they have to see that happy grin on their grandchildren's faces!! No rice, dal, rotis, subzis, laddoos, murukkus for these kids. That is soooo not happening. It has to be lasagna, pizzas, burgers and so on.

Nights would be story time for us. Grandparents took turns to narrate stories from Ramayan and Mahabharath. Now that is passe. Children will give clear cut instructions to the grandparents that these stories are boring and they would rather watch their favourite programme on TV.

Infact one of our friends was telling us that as kids they were very scared of their father who was very strict. But now he is being bullied by his own grandson. Even before they leave for their native place, this tiny tot calls up and lays down terms and conditions to his grandfather as to what are his favourite TV show timings. The grandfather meekly obeys and the moment he hears his grandsons voice he changes hastily from the news that he would be watching to cartoon channel! Such is the power of these grandchildren.

Well so much has changed during our times and now it seems a distant era altogether. Well if we tell that to our children I guess they would just shrug it off saying that was then mom , this is now.

Do we need the foreign universities?

2010-03-29T14:27:00.010+05:30

So, the foreign universities are going to be here soon. Much has already been written about the pros and cons of having prestigious foreign universities right here in India.

Those who are for it feel it is a good initiative as children get an exposure to education of international standards without having to step out of their country and that even financially it could turn out to be an affordable proposition. For those who cannot send their children to far away countries due to various reasons it would be a blessing.

But those who are against this move argue that we do not need more universities when there is already so much investment in universities already in business and that a better strategy would be to invest to make existing infrastructure better. And how would bringing in foreign universities increase the competitive spirit among our universities?

And what about affordability? The foreign universities definitely are not charitable institutions and are here to make money just like any other multinational company and hence more often than not it will be only certain sections of the society who will be able to afford this. Thereby, a student coming from middle to lower economic strata will not enjoy the benefits of getting education from these universities. Instead they feel that improving the infrastructure and quality of education in the existing institutes will more than suffice.

Initially the aim was to complete one's education and look for good jobs abroad. Next it was to complete studies and go abroad to do higher studies in order to get good jobs was the trend. Last I heard was parents wanting their children to go abroad and study right after their pre-university. But now appears that the universities themselves are going to be set up here.

I wonder if it will make any difference to our existing education system at all? Will children from all strata benefit from this? Will it be just another way of money making by people with vested interest? Will it increase the quality of education as the proponents are thinking? Time alone will give answers to all these questions.

Do you as parents of children who in the next couple of years would be making plans to study in foreign universities think this to be a step towards positive change in our education system? Please do write as to what your thoughts and views regarding this are.

Earth hour = family hour

2010-03-29T12:22:00.009+05:30

27th March was celebrated as the Earth Hour. That meant switching off all electrical appliances for an hour. This in turn would result in saving power. I think it is such a simple idea yet one so very effective.

Children were wondering what they could do for that one hour without any power. You see children these days are so very dependent on various gadgets and all of these need power. So we told them it was for this very reason that they need to save power. We also told them how global warming has started having negative effects on the whole world that we live in and which they themselves are experiencing currently. We told them that if they were to live in relative comfort when they grow up , they definitely need to do something about it now. Sometimes we get so used to having these basic necessities in our life that we hardly give any thought to it. It is only later we realise how much these precious resources mean to us. Literally it has the power to change our entire life style.

Promptly at 8.30 we switched off all the power and sat outside in our balcony. There was general talk, jokes and fun with all of us for a change sitting together out there enjoying the cool breeze in the night. Suddenly there seemed to be a lot to talk about. After sometime, the kids the football freaks that they are, had a bright idea of this game of naming a football player and using the end letter of the first name to name another football player whose name would start with that alphabet. I could see that they really were having so much fun.

The best part was when my mother- in- law too enthusiastically participated in this by switching off the television and giving up watching her favourite serial and doing her bit! Time just flew and when it was time to switch on the power my little one asked me if we could switch on the power after some time? I was more than happy to do that. I felt maybe we should do this more often as it not only saves power but in the process lets us reconnect with each other too.

Gifts to children - be conservative or be liberal?

2010-03-20T12:21:00.012+05:30

During his fourteenth birthday, my son's demand as a gift was that we buy him a mobile of his own. You can say we are old fashioned but yes we told him outright that he cannot have his own mobile as we did not see any need for it. He was either at school or at home. Hence why did he need one? Pat came the reply - "all my friends have it".

Well, we explained to him that there might be various reasons for his friends owning their own mobile. Maybe their parents go out to work and hence they need to be in touch with their children. But here I was not working and hence accessible any time they wanted me. His response - "not all his friends' moms work". I told him maybe his friends go to tuitions, or other coaching classes on their own hence they need it. This was also negated. Alas all my explanations were of no use and were severely quashed.

His only mantra was he needs his own mobile as his friends have it. Period. It was not just any mobile but the ones where he can listen to music was what he was looking at as his friends have these.

In these times, I guess our ideas as to what is an appropriate age for buying expensive stuff for our children is a real question mark. On one hand if we put ourselves in their shoes, it is truly a conflicting situation they are facing what with all that peer pressure. But at the same time I feel that children have to be taught restraint and must get their priorities right. Yes, many of us can afford to buy expensive stuff but in the long run I somehow place more premium on having less and enjoying more peace of mind. Being more philosophical than being too materialistic. That is the only thing that we as parents are trying to inculcate in our children. Hence many a time we end up being "No Parents". (On another note, have you ever counted the times you say 'no' to your children in a day? You will be amazed!)

I guess we would like to hold on to this as far as we can and right now things are back to normal after a gruelling session. Have you faced this conflict? If yes, how have you dealt with it?

Innocence lost

2010-03-20T11:01:00.007+05:30

Today's headlines in the newspaper sent shock waves. A nine year old child has supposedly poisoned her two friends using rat poison. Just the very thought of this incident is very alarming considering the age of the child. Can such little ones be so conniving and devious?

Juvenile crime seems to be on the rise of late and at an alarming rate. Everyday the age group of these children who are committing these crimes seems to be shrinking. This trend is obviously not healthy for our society. Where are we going wrong?

Could it be poverty which leads little children to commit crimes in order to survive? But then we also get to hear children coming from wealthy and well educated families commiting crime. What could the reason be? Could it be trying to show off heroics as they see in the movies or on television? Could it be the effect of violent video games that they play all the time? Or could it be the times that we are living in?

Have we as a society become less tolerant? Have we as parents somewhere lost out on teaching one of the most important values in life to our children - Love, Peace, Patience and Tolerance? Are we sacrificing these important values and placing more premium on worldly riches and false esteem? Has the twentieth century somehow taken a toll on the innocence of our little children? Our Sages and wise men have always asked to keep our minds as pure and innocent as little children. But now I wonder where has all that innocence gone? These questions disturb me a lot. Does it disturb you too? What can be done? Any answers?

Super Dads - Parenting in animal world - Part IV

2010-03-18T10:30:00.006+05:30

I came across some very interesting aspects of parenting in the animal world and as part of the series I thought this would be a fitting finale. Did you know that there are absentee parents, part time parents and full time parents in the animal world too?

In the following species however it is the super dads who are the main focus in raising their young ones. This starts right from the stage of laying eggs to hatching and rearing. Wow! Amazing ain't it? In the case of the Giant Water Bug the female lays about 150 eggs which she cements to the back of the male bug and in true sense the male becomes a beast of burden. It carries and takes care of the eggs for about a month, and stops eating until the eggs hatch. Guess what the female is doing? After laying the eggs she just disappears!!

In the case of Stickleback fish, the male produces a glue like substance and makes layers of nest on which the female lays the eggs. This takes about two days and then the male fertilises these eggs. From then on it is solely the job of these males to tend to the brood. It aerates and fans them and once they hatch they also protest them by gathering the little naughty ones into his mouth and then spitting them back safely into the nest for a week. Here again the role of parenting in the female fish ends once the eggs are laid.

Now here's the big one. The Spotted Sandpiper birds really take the cake. It is one of the few species of bird where there is sex-role reversal. The female bird is very aggressive and plays a very active role during mating. However after this it is the male bird which sits on the eggs and incubates it for 21 days and once the eggs are hatched they tend to the fledglings for the next 21 days. Guess what the female bird does once she has laid her eggs? She will be quick in shirking her duties and busy mating with another male if the opportunity arises!!

Hats off to all these super dads. As for the female species, do you think it is super liberation?

Parental bonding - Parenting in animal world - Part III

2010-03-14T20:38:00.007+05:30

This incident happened when we were in our previous house. Our kitchen balcony faced a lush, picturesque garden of our neighbour. Early in the morning it was a pleasure to hear and see a variety of birds chirping and hopping. The koels, the mynahs, parrots, eagles, pigeons, robins and many other variety of birds whose names I do not know. This was "Me Time". Ideal for peace of mind before facing the rush hour of the day.

That day things were quite as usual save for the symphony of my birds. All of a sudden I heard a loud cacophony and when it persisted for a long time I went out into the balcony to see what it was all about.

Overhead I saw two mynahs hovering back and forth making loud noises. Just then I saw an eagle swooping and I knew. As I watched with bated breath I saw the two mynahs bravely trying to fend the eagle who was determinedly swooping towards the tree and trying to wrest the newly hatched mynah chicks from the nest. For almost five to ten minutes the mother and father mynahs bravely put up a fight with the eagle. As soon as the eagle got too close to the tree they both would drive it away. One mynah I thought must be the mother would be close to the tree trying its best to protect her young ones and I guess the other the father mynah would trail the eagle and both together would drive it away the moment it was close to the nest.

The eagle however would not easily give up. It too flew dodging the mynahs and giving war cries. I prayed that the mynahs would somehow be able to save their chicks. But who can put up a fight with such a strong predator? Then all of a sudden I heard such wrenching cries from the mynahs and I knew it was all over. With tears in my eyes I heard the mourning cries of the parents who were circling over the tree and flying back and forth over and over again. For the rest of my life I knew I would always remember this heart wrenching scene. It was almost an hour before the mynahs stopped their cries and flew away.

I realised how strong a bond exists among the parents and their babies irrespective of whether they belong to plant kingdom or animal kingdom. Emotions remain forever the same, don't they?

Lessons learnt in mother's womb - Parenting in animal world - Part II

2010-03-14T12:14:00.009+05:30

I came across an interesting article in the news paper recently titled "Birds groom chicks prenatally". This was a research conducted at the University of Cambridge on Canary birds. As per the research, the mother bird communicates with their developing chicks before even they hatch by leaving messages in the egg. The message would be, the kind of life that they will face after birth. Accordingly the chicks adjust the development with regard to their feeding pattern.

The chicks who are reared by generous parents beg more vociferously for food after hatching but those chicks who are raised by meaner parents will end up begging far less as they know that it will not yield any response from their parents. Based on the messages in the egg, the nestlings gain weight more rapidly so as to match the demands to the parent's supply of food. This way they can avoid either begging too little or wasting effort on unrewarding begging. Phew! That is one big lesson that the chicks have to learn.

I guess these are genetically ingrained into each species from time immemorial based on the principle of survival instincts. Coming to human babies, many a time I have seen cases where babies born to mothers who are above normal weight are generally thin or are of average weight. Whereas sometimes I have seen babies born to mothers who are thin or almost underweight to be quite chubby. Although here it might not be in the context of generous or mean parenting but economic consideration and health aspect of the mothers which might play a very crucial role. What's your view?

An ode to the unsung heroines

2010-03-08T17:25:00.005+05:30

March 8th is celebrated world over as International Women's Day. Infact this is the 100th International Women's Day. I feel proud and happy for women who have made great strides in all fields so far including the ones considered to be traditional male bastions.

But today I would like to salute the indomitable spirit of those scores of women who are unsung heroines. These are very ordinary women who most of the times are uneducated, unsophisticated, simple women. The zest of lakhs of women who walk several miles in the hot desert sun every single day to collect just two or three pots of potable water with a smile on their face, the loving hands of those mothers who cook food for their loved ones unmindful of inhaling the toxic fumes of coal, the sacrifice of those mothers who starve to feed their family. These women are my heroines.

The women who put up with physical abuse everyday and yet turn up the next day ready for work, those women who have to bear the physical and emotional assault of killing their female babies in the womb and yet again unfailingly having to try again and again, I salute these women.

Those millions and millions of women who have lost their loved ones in the mindless war that is going on and yet surviving against all odds, those women who have taken up the burden of looking after their entire family without a single whimper, these are the unsung heroines.

A brave Bhanwari Devi, a vocal Shahbano, the courageous Rukhsana Kausar, and many many more unsung, unforgotten heroines. This 100th International Women's Day is an ode to this undying spirit of this all powerful, all pervasive shakthi - The Woman.

Co-operative parenting - Parenting in animal world - Part I

2010-02-19T17:04:00.010+05:30

Long time back, I saw this National Geographic documentary titled "March of the Penguins". (The official NatGeo site for the film, Watch the short video). It is truly very touching and one of the most memorable documentary that I have seen. It celebrates true love and sacrifice in bringing a new life into this world.

This is the story of the Emperor Penguins who travel all the way to the remotest part of the Antarctic. For some twenty days and nights they walk through harsh conditions until they find a suitable place. The female lays one single egg and shifts it onto the feet of the male which will now take over the job of protecting the egg until it hatches. By now the female penguins have not eaten for two months and hence they leave for the seas to feed and also to get food for their baby chicks! Amazing isn't it?

Now the male penguins huddle together and incubate the egg and finally by the time the chick is hatched the father penguin has not eaten for nearly four months!! It has lost half of its body weight. This is what I call co-operative parenting. I don't think we can see this phenomenon even in higher mammals, in any case not in human beings.

By now the female penguins return and the males transfer their parenting duty to the female and then go to the seas which is about 70 miles to feed in that cold weather. Finally the saga ends with the male penguins returning back to unite with their families. This continues throughout the lifetime of the Penguins.

I recommend that it is a must watch for those who have not seen it yet and for those of you who have then surely there is a lot to be learnt with regard to parenting. Specially all the men out there can learn a thing or two from these wonderful male penguins. Hope there will be more men getting into co-operative parenting.

Gran's care can make kids obese

2010-02-16T11:35:00.008+05:30

Well this was the article which I came across in the papers - "Gran's care can make kids obese" The University College London undertook this study of 12,000 three year olds and found that the risk of of obesity was 34 percent higher if grandparents took care of them full time.

So many a time when a mother works and if there are grandparents at home then one definitely would like to leave their children under the care of loving grandparents rather than in a creche or a day care centre. Reason being one is not sure of the hygiene that is followed as well as the attention and care that the child gets.

On the other hand looking after a bundle of energy and being constantly on their toes is an impossible task for the grandparents. As it is, these grandparents have gone through all the hardships and troubles of parenting. Imagine doing it all over again!

Hence when the children are under the care of grandparents, most likely they will be over indulged. Children are pampered by giving them their favourite fried food, sweets, chocolates, and so on. Also if the grandparents are not very active, then they would prefer making the kids sit in front of T.V. Hence there is no active play. All these put together is a surefire recipe for obesity in these little ones.

I would not be surprised if they find that discipline will also be another aspect that gets affected when children are under the care of their grandparents. A common grouse that many parents have against their parents is that when they were children their parents never indulged them and were very strict . But the same parents now indulge and pamper their grandchildren to the extent of catering to every whims and fancies and sometimes even getting scolded by these tiny power wielders. Grandchildren after all are very precious for their grandparents, aren't they?

Where's my playground?

2010-02-03T12:34:00.004+05:30

Play and childhood go hand in hand. A flashback of our childhood days are always associated with healthy evening doses of playtime and panting back home breathlessly, face resplendant with sweat and smiles. Play is every child's birthright I guess.

Now the situation seems to be different. Schools do not have playgrounds and parks are meant only for walkers and plants. One can hardly see any open, barren playground that is meant for children.

No place to play is what my children come back and tell us. Though we chose an apartment which is huge and has lots of space, it still is not big enough for our children to play football. At different ages children play different games. Right now they are heavily into football and they cannot play as there are complaints of plants getting spoiled, lights being broken and so on and so forth. This is the present day scenario in every place.

Where do children play then? Getting them enrolled into a sports academy seems to be the solution. But the time that one has to spend on the road to drop and pick them up is a major problem what with the kind of traffic maze one has to decipher. Just one hour of free play is what children ask for. The so called bigger apartments spend lots of money on garden and landscaping but hardly ever have I seen the builders assigning space for teenage sports. How I wish they just reserve a small corner, barricade it with mesh and allow it to be used as a ground for football or cricket. That way there is no damage to property and children can have their corner to play.

It was quite a contradiction the other day when I heard my son reading an essay written in school about the importance of play and its role in the healthy development of children. I was not able to answer him when he asked me "But mama, where is the place to play?"

No wonder children are shifting to indoor games and spending lots of time in front of their T.V or computer. Will the days of delightful shouts and laughter of children playing be a thing of the past soon? I remember the story of the giant who never allowed any children into his huge, beautiful garden and the garden withered away.Though the story there had a happy ending reality will be too harsh for our children.

Real life and reel life

2010-01-27T14:32:00.007+05:30

Now and then I have been reading about the two child artistes Rubina Ali and Azharuddin Ismail in the papers. The director of the movie Slumdog Millionaire, Danny Boyle had set up a trust and the children were to get a stipend of $ 120 a month. This was done to help them get a better education and hence a better future. Later it was reported that they were playing truant and their school attendance was around 27% and 37% respectively. They were told that unless they attend school regularly or atleast have 70% attendance they would forfeit their stipend.

When I read this article I wondered whether this would be possible at all for these children. First and foremost we must understand that these children were living in the slums unnoticed. All of a sudden they came into limelight because of the movie that got them world attention and not to mention the Oscars.

But over and above this what is their motivation level? The combination of poverty, uneducated parents and the surroundings they live in definitely does not help them in achieving that motivational level. I wonder if they would at all realise the importance of education at this stage. Infact elders might consider using them as a lucrative option in making some easy money thus leading to their exploitation. Moreover having got the taste of earning money by acting, who would like to sit and study hard and pass exams? They need immediate rewards. I feel sorry for these children whose life has seen a steep high and a steep low. Stark contrast between their reel life and real life isn't it?

Our education system should be designed to motivate children to learn (and not study). This holds even more significance when we talk about getting children from the lowest strata of income level to enroll into schools. For most of them, getting two square meals a day is a priority than getting educated which they might consider a luxury.

Parenting lesson from a cab driver

2010-01-22T12:49:00.006+05:30

The other day I got into conversation with the cab driver enroute to my mom's place. These days what with traffic and signals one spends about an hour to reach one's destination. Hence I had all the time in the world and started conversing with the cab driver. I enjoy listening to stories of different people and their lives. This is what he told me about his life.

He hails from Shimoga. Lack of job landed him in to our own Bengalooru. He got a job as a cab driver and has since been doing this for the past eighteen to twenty years. He has a daughter and two sons. His aim was to educate his children and enable them to earn a comfortable living. Unlike other people I have seen who prefer convent education for their children he sent his children to government schools. His daughter got 98% in science and showed keen interest to get into college and take science the stream. Though it was difficult, he encouraged her and managed to send her to college. English medium was a problem for her as she had studied in Kannada medium throughout. So she enrolled herself into an English learning school and picked up the nuances within three months. Math was also another subject she was weak in and her father sent her for tutions though it was difficult for him. But in her second year, she failed in math and though she reappeared a second time she couldn't make it. She told her dad that she would like to discontinue as she was finding it difficult. He agreed and she got a job in a bank and now she is married and has a child. He was happy that his daughter was well settled.

Coming to his sons he said that they both studied upto twelfth grade and now one is working as a cab driver and the other son is doing something on his own.

What I liked about this person is that he tried his best in fulfilling his parental duty. When his children wanted to study he was there for them, supporting them even under difficult situations. When they said they wanted to start work he gave full support and once they got into jobs he stepped back saying now it is upto them to make a success out of their lives. Now he says if they come to him and say they want to get married he will complete that duty too as a parent. So very focussed and clear. Hats off to this parent.

But after all this he says that his heart still belongs to the place where he was born and brought up. His dream now is to earn enough money and go back to his beloved Shimoga and lead a quiet life away from this mad frenzy. He says if this minute anyone offers him a job in Shimoga with a salary of Rs.4000- 5000 per month he will just pack his bags and leave that very instant. He says that he has had enough of city life.

Once I reached my destination I wished him all the best. I wished with all my heart that he realises his dream.

When should one start preparing for professional courses? - Part II

2010-01-18T12:22:00.013+05:30

This is about my previous blog post " Preparing for professional course, when should one start?Many have commented on my blog either through mail or face book. Thanks for all the views and opinions that each one has given me. Made me get a better perspective.

These were some of the opinions. Some felt that one need not start so early. Some felt it is too pressurising for the children. Others were of the opinion that children right now cannot definitely decide and therefore the onus is on the parents to make the decisions. Others wrote that the child should be the decision maker on what field he or she wants. We as parents need to just be there to guide them.Yet others doubted whether IIT is the only path to success.

Well these were some of the doubts that many of us parents had and we all raised these questions to the programme coordinator whom we met to have an intro session. According to them the CBSE curriculum they say has changed a lot over the years. A lot of dilution has happened in order to cater to children at different intellectual level. But looks like the syllabus has not changed at the eleventh and twelfth grade. It is quite vast and tough.

So classes like this try and fill that lacunae. Also children will get exposed to the various curriculum in one place. They will also get an idea as to where their strength lies and hence prepare for future.

Right now as a parent I am looking at it this way.

1. I would like my son to get a general idea of how challenging a subject can be and how he can work through it.

2. Give him this opportunity to explore his own strengths and work on his weaknesses.

3. Finally if he enjoys well and good , if not then atleast I have the satisfaction of providing him with this opportunity.

4. This would also be like a stepping stone if and when he makes up his mind in the next four years.

Finally we as parents can only be instruments of guidance and help provide opportunities for our children. After this it is left to the child to understand and go through this process of learning and try and achieve whatever goals that he or she sets. After all I guess isn't that what life is all about? Learning continuously and discovering oneself?

Preparing for professional courses. When should one start? Part I

2010-01-12T12:29:00.008+05:30

Right now my elder son will complete his eighth grade and will be in the ninth grade next academic year. There are many private institutes which have started giving out application forms for those children who are interested in taking up professional courses after twelfth grade. They claim that they will lay a strong foundation for children in science and math. Now these are two year courses which will commence during the summer vacation. Once school reopens then it will be held once or twice a week for the next two years.

My dilemma is whether I should enroll my son now or should it be done once he is in the eleventh grade. At this age he is not very sure what line he would like to pursue. I do not know whether I need to burden him right now. At the same time I do not know if he will be missing out on an opportunity given the tough competition that they have to face these days.When I asked these centres if it is important that they go through this now or should it be when they are in the eleventh grade? They say that it is better if they do it now as they will also get to know whether they have the aptitude to go in for professional courses in future. But don't children change over a period of time? At this age they are still not so serious.

These days coaching for IIT and other such courses start when children are merely in the sixth grade!!! I wonder if there is any childhood left for them. Apart from school pressure they must also study hard at their second school i.e. the coaching centers that they go to. These centers also have strict rules and are run just like a regular school except for different timings. I feel totally confused. If it is a child who has that extraordinary talent of deciding what he would like to do in future and is steadfast then it is really worth.

Many a time I really admire these children who from some remote rural village have got into IIT or an engineering college or medical college. They did not go to some fancy coaching center but got into this by sheer hard work. So is it possible to get into prestigious institutes without going to these kind of classes? Interests and aptitude change in children over a period of time. Specially I think boys show maturity only at a later stage and right now my son is still in that playful mode. Hence right now I am at crossroads. Can any one guide me?

Money matters and your child - Part II

2010-01-10T12:10:00.012+05:30

In part one, I wrote why finance management is important for children. I was then pondering as to how could we as parents undertake this task of giving our children good financial education.

I was reading this wonderful book Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert T. Kiyosaki. It was quite enlightening. He stresses the importance of giving a sound financial knowledge to children right from school. According to him, education is important but he says that the advice that he got from his own father whom he calls as poor dad was the standard one which we all say to our children from the beginning - study well, get a good job and live comfortably. But most of the time the author says that though his dad was a professor and earning a good salary, all that he was earning went into tax and to pay the loan taken towards home, car and other luxuries. In other words he was forever poor.

Whereas his friend's father who was running a company would always advise him to get a good education, try and own a company instead of working for it. Always try and build assets and not liabilities.

I feel in Indian culture from early ages taking a loan was considered to be a social taboo while it has changed in recent years. Most of them adhered to the saying - stretch your legs only till the length of your bed; in other words live life within your means and don't go beyond.

Who does not remember the first piggy bank that we all used to put our money into? We would never think of spending any of it. So I believe the first step is to inculcate in our children the habit of saving. Saving for a rainy day always helps.

Next the simpler the life we lead the better. Here we as parents have to practice what we preach. Discussing with our children the income and expenditure on a broad basis helps. When we take decisions making them the part of our discussion also creates awareness. How much information and in what way we give it out to them depends on the age of the children.

It would be a good idea if we ask our children to maintain a diary where they make a note themselves the day to day expenses that we incur.Then they know how and on what money has been spent. They will also then get a fair idea and can then categorise between money spent on necessity, comfort and luxury.

As they grow old enough to understand the nuances of finance, one can explain how credit and debit cards work. I remember this incident when one of our cousin's child was asked as to what he would do when he grows up. He answered that he would just go to the ATM, withdraw the money and hence there was no need to work.

As and when they start working, teaching them various ways to build assets with the money that they earn might lead one fine day to the culmination of all the financial education that we as parents have been teaching them from childhood.

I would also like to hear from you parents as to how you handle this situation and the solutions that you have tried which might also help me.

Money matters and your child - Part I

2010-01-03T12:02:00.012+05:30

Considering the price rise these days, juggling essential expenses like those related to household, education, the comforts (like eating out, entertainment etc.,) we have got used to, would be a challenge that every homemaker faces. Furthermore, children these days look for nothing but the best come what may.

I remember during our childhood our monetary requirements were very modest due to these following reasons:

1. We were not brand conscious and hence anything which our parents bought would do.

2. Our parents encouraged us to be responsible with our money. Pocket money of course was unheard of. Whenever we wanted any money which was basically something which the school had asked us either for picnics or for some charity, we would ask for the required amount and we had the liberty of taking the money from the family box once we had the permission.

3. In case we had to entertain our friends it was done at home.

But today our children are living in a 'brand era' thanks to peer pressure or continuous exposure to sophisticated advertising. Their wants have increased tremendously and their demands do not seem to show concern for the 'value for money' concept. This is what led me to think - shouldn't children be given sound financial management knowledge at an early age? And sooner the better. Schools do not teach any of this and therefore children are ill equipped to deal with money in day-to-day life.

Children also seem to have a different take on the 'value'. "It's only Rs.1,500. Isn't that cheap? My friend got it for Rs.2,200." And for what? A Football club branded T-shirt.

This has set me thinking as to how as parents we can teach our children the value of money. Right from a young age, they have got used to comforts and luxury. They have always travelled by car (although, thankfully, we insisted that they travel to school in bus / school van), eaten in modestly good restaurants, have got admissions into good schools - in short they have got it all. Though from the beginning we have tried to be quite modest in our expenditure, as children grow older, I see the peer pressure clearly having an upper hand. As a result, disappointments are aplenty as their wants do not seem to match with our expectations of what they should get. This really worries me a lot. How will they ever learn to be happy and realise that there is no end to their wants?

I always give them what they call as 'lecture' on how important it is for them to realise that material things will never give them long-lasting happiness and there will always be one more last thing that they need. But it never ends there, does it?

Hence I am putting down a few thoughts I felt would atleast try and bring things into perspective for our children in part two of my blog.

That's the spirit!

2009-12-24T14:30:00.007+05:30

Just had to write about this. Children in a small village had to travel a distance of 13 Kms. to reach school. Their parents had engaged an auto but when the auto driver passed away the parents felt that the children had to discontinue their studies. But the children were adamant that they would go to school no matter what.

Seeing their steely resolve the parents of one of the child gave them a horse cart and now they go to school on a horse cart all of the 13 kms, along with ten other children. Imagine the age group of these children is five to ten years and it is the ten year old who handles the cart. Though it is fraught with danger the children do not mind as they would all like to go to school and study.

I must salute these little children as well as their parents who have stood by their children's decision.

Another picture also comes to my mind where we in the urban areas we send our children to school by school bus, private vans, autos, and only if it is close by we let them walk. With all these facilities I don't know whether we are building that inner resolve in our children towards self motivation or are they taking it for granted? This would be an eyeopener for all of us I guess.

Three and already worrying??

2009-12-22T11:05:00.009+05:30

My eyes just popped out - tiny tots as old as three worrying about their appearance and weight?This was the article that I read in the newspaper the other day under the headline 'Tiny tots worry about weighty matters'. It said that a study conducted by the University of Central Florida found many three to six year old girls worrying about their appearance and weight. Phew!

I remember during our times we never gave a thought about our looks or appearance (as long as we wore neat and clean clothes and kept hygiene in mind) specially not at three!! We would wear what was bought by our parents and basically enjoyed playing, studying, going out and so on.....

Now when I read this article I pondered as to who or what is responsible for this big burden that such small children carry. Is it the stereotypes that the society in general is creating what with size zero, beauty pageants, television shows, specially the reality show involving children?Overnight these innocent children are transformed into miniature adults with lots of makeup and hairdo. Their mannerisms and talk also no longer reflect their age. As it is in the current scenario children are growing up faster than they need to.

The movies also I think play a very prominent role in the life of our children. Our society also abets this. Hence our children no longer are the sweet, innocent, carefree beings but already burdened with being too hooked onto appearances. High time we parents inculcate self esteem in our children where emphasis should be on basic hygiene and healthy eating habits which when followed puts everything in place. Let children be what they should be i.e., free spirited.

Teaching through video games

2009-12-12T10:36:00.006+05:30

Last morning my son gleefully held up the newspaper and triumphantly waved it to my face and told me to read the article where the caption was "A video game a day, makes the child smarter all the way". As all parents are aware this is one of the issues among many that we parents have.

I was quite interested and went through and found that according to a new 'Kids and Gaming 2009' report from the NPD Group, among all children in the U.S aged 2-17, 82% or 55.7 million are aged 2-5, representing the smallest segment, while 12.4 million are aged 9-11, making up the largest segment. (Phew!! isn't that quite a huge number and I wonder about the 12-17 age group). The crux was that as children these days are hooked to playing long hours of video games, teachers are now trying to get students interested in molecular biology or space exploration, world culture and other topics through developing interesting video games. This they think serves dual purpose: that of children playing their games and at the same time learning these subjects too. Talk about having their cake and eating it too!

Atleast I wish that children might benefit by using these educational videos than playing the mindless games of counter strikes and whatnots.

Bridging the education gap

2009-12-10T11:22:00.007+05:30

The other day my children were talking to their friends from their previous school. They told me that the school where they were studying earlier would now have children from lower economic strata studying alongside with the other children.

I was then discussing this aspect with my husband. We were wondering how this would work out. On the positive side, the under-privileged children would get access to all the facilities hitherto which they could only dream of. Secondly, the standard of teaching would be very different from what they were used to. Better teachers and better teaching methods. The children from affluent background can interact with these children and in the process get to understand their lifestyle and their problems and aspirations better.

But on the other hand there would be problems too. Integration would require these children as well as the regular school children to make a lot more adjustments as the environment that each one comes from will be totally different. It can easily lead to two opposite groups where one feels superior and the other inferior. Teachers also need to understand and relate to these students at an emotional level. Imagine the immense pressure the children would face when they interact with the affluent children, be it with their dress, or something as small as pencil box, shoe and various other things which would trigger a lot emotional upheaval in these little minds. Wouldn't it be a traumatic experience for children coming from a lower economic strata?

In this context, I feel instead of uprooting students and putting them into alien environment all private schools should adopt government schools in their vicinity and this should be made mandatory. Teachers then from private schools should go in batches and teach in these government school on a continual basis. This would not only enhance the quality of education for the children but will also give the teachers an entirely new perspective which they in turn can use in their teaching. Further, teachers of government schools (who I hear are completely deprived of new training methods) can also be given training by the private schools so that over a period of time the government schools can bridge the existing gap.

The government schools also suffer from lack of infrastructure be it in library, sports or in the laboratory. For extra curricular, activities these children can be taken to the private schools where they can use the facilities there once or twice a week. Same way library can be built in the government schools by involving children of private schools to donate books. These children can also be taken to interact with the other children which in the long run will break the chasm.

Hopefully this would then lead to better integration than displacing children from their natural surroundings. Making the existing schools stronger should be the aim of the Education Ministry. Are you listening, Ministers of Education?

Role reversal!

2009-11-17T18:16:00.005+05:30

I read in the newspaper about this very unique reproductive activity in sea horses. It is said that the female sea horse lays 250 - 600 eggs in the pouches of male sea horse. The pouch is something very similar to a kangaroo pouch. Now the female will lay her eggs in not just one but other male sea horse i.e., until she clears all her eggs! (ooh! these males seem to be quite willing).

Once the eggs are laid inside the pouches immediately the pouches get sealed and the female satisfied with her handiwork swims away. Now that's what I call total female liberation. After this it is the male who carries these eggs inside him for about 40 - 50 days and it says he goes through all the pains of pregnancy, until finally the eggs hatch into babies. Mostly they die after giving birth and only a few survive for the next mating season. Isn't that sad?

For a moment a picture flashed through my mind if this role reversal were to happen in human beings too........maybe in some distant future perhaps.

A divine bond

2009-11-15T12:18:00.005+05:30

The other day me and my husband were in the midst of traffic and the traffic light had turned red. I always like to look around to see people around me at that time. It is a very good observation point for me.

That was when I happened to glance at my side where there was an auto and inside I saw a little girl of about ten years of age who was in a school uniform sobbing uncontrollably with her hands covering her face and her brother who I guess must have been about fourteen or so had his hands around her and I could see him trying to pacify her. Since we were next to them I asked him in sign language as to why she was crying? At that I could make out him telling his little sister that others were looking at her and asking her to stop crying. After a while with him coaxing and cajoling I saw the little girl lift her head slowly. Immediately her brother wiped her tears and pointed out towards us. I also saw her brother trying to make her laugh and finally when the signal turned green I saw that he had succeeded in making her smile and he was holding her hands and waving at us.

I was truly overwhelmed by this incident and the love and care that this little boy had shown . That was truly a bond which I wish will last through out their lifetime.

Grandmas help girl child live longer

2009-10-30T14:48:00.006+05:30

A study conducted by Cambridge University have come out with findings that granddaughters lived longer when their paternal grandmother lived with them or within close vicinity. This was in start contrast to the effect of the presence of paternal grandmother on the grandson - the effect was supposed to be harmful to the grandson as her presence was linked with an increase in mortality. This study conducted across seven populations across the world, looked at infant mortality in the first three years of life

Well, I do not know how it is in these populations (some ancient and some modern but not Indian) where the study was conducted but in various places in India I am sure it would be the other way round. Here where people believe in male progeny to be the means to their Moksha, grandsons who live in close association with their paternal grandmother will be more favored. Infact I guess they will thrive.

In many a case, we have heard of a girl child being neglected and treated badly. God forbid if a girl child is born first. Her sorrows begin right then. Sometimes her sorrow ends even before she is born when she is killed as soon as it comes to be known it is a girl child.

Do you think this study would throw up an entirely different result if it is conducted in India?

Using technology for inclusive education

2009-10-28T12:00:00.007+05:30

Technology when applied rightly can benefit our country in an amazingly positive way and have far reaching benefits for the society.

This is what I felt when I read that the Government of Karnataka is planning to start CET coaching for rural students absolutely free of cost. Studios will be set up from where the lessons will be telecast to the training centers and the study materials will be provided free of cost. It says that 13,000 Intermediate students in the rural area are going to benefit from this initiative. These children can then dream of pursuing professional courses of their choice such as BDS, BE, MBBS and so on.

Satellite-based coaching!! Imagine if it works well and is managed efficiently, it will open doors to so many aspiring children of our country who so far would have only dreamt of making it big but did not have the means to achieve it. Education will then become inclusive and doors of opportunity will open for all.

Virtual classrooms and Video streaming technology - what we thought was seen only in sci-fi movies are slowly becoming a reality. It is entering our classrooms too. I feel our children are living in an exciting world where they are going to enjoy learning in such an advanced and interesting way.

Are they ready yet?

2009-10-28T11:03:00.005+05:30

My thirteen year old son came and asked me and my husband if he could go for an evening out with his friends to a gaming center. As no adults were accompanying and it was only a group of friends going, we naturally refused to let him go. He was offended big time and he made it a point to let us know how disappointed he was quite forcefully.

Generally till now we have taken them to lots of their friends' place as well as had his friends over at our place where we personally knew the parents. We have let them go out when one or the other parents have accompanied the group of children to an outing and they have had sleepovers at their friends' place. But so far we have never let them go out in a group alone without any adult supervision. Believe me, even at this age they are still a handful and do crazy things when they go out in groups.

Somehow children at this age have neither grown old enough to understand nor are they little that we can hold onto them. At one end children of that age feel quite grown up and act so very mature but the very next moment they bely their age by doing something very foolish. This is but common at this age.

As we have all passed through this phase of adolescence we do understand what they must be going through . I remember the time when my father used to refuse to send us on school trips if it was for a longer duration. Day trips however were fine with him. But we also used to be offended then and thought our parents did not understand us. Now I guess it is our turn to go through this cycle with our children.

However in the current scenario where children are growing up faster and getting exposed to so many facets of life at a very young age as parents I feel it is but natural to protect our children as far as possible. At the same time one wonders if it is overprotection. Where does the balance lie?Are they ready yet to fly out on their own??

Womb Transplant!!

2009-10-27T12:01:00.006+05:30

Science is making amazing progress in so many aspects. The recent that I read was about womb transplant... I was curious to know what it was all about and went through some materials written about this.

Simply put womb transplant is done when a woman cannot conceive due to various reasons. The womb transplant can be done so that the woman can conceive and carry the child in her transplanted womb rather than go in for surrogate womb or for adoption. The womb is removed once the pregnancy is over.

Yes every woman dreams of having a baby of her own. Right from times immemorial women have been specially created by the universal creator to go through this wonderful experience of succoring a new life within her. But somehow recent statistics show a rise in infertility in both men and women due to various reasons.

In this scenario, lots of fertility clinics are doing brisk business by trying to help a husband and wife fulfill their dream of having a baby of their own. I have come across so many cases where a woman undergoes so much of pain both physically and psychologically not to mention the monetary aspect of it hoping against hope that one day her dream will be realised. In lieu of this womb transplant will be another procedure that a woman will let herself undergo.

Several comments were posted on this topic. Naturally women who were having difficulty in conceiving felt this was a great ray of hope for them. While some felt that we are overburdening the already overpopulated world, some others felt that where there was a chance of adoption there would now be one less child having the opportunity of growing in a good family setup.

Whatever be the rational merits and demerits of the scientific discoveries especially in life sciences, one must not ignore that there is always a social facet that one must keep in mind. Womb transplant is one such issue - it's not just about the science of it but attached with a deeper emotion.

Where have these games gone?

2009-10-13T18:11:00.008+05:30

Vacations and any spare time for children today means watching T.V, playing computer games, PSP and other audiovisual indoor onscreen games only for our children. I remember how different it was during our times. With no T.V or other present day gadgets our vacations were filled with lots of outdoor and indoor games.

Remember Hopscotch with eight houses were we had to throw a stone and hop? Lagori was another game were we had to pile up the stones, then hit them and run while the opposing team tried to catch us. Dog and the Bone, In the pond and on the bank, Hiding an object (when the person goes close to it saying it is a hot spot and when the person is far away then the place being called cold zone.) - there were so many that used to keep us busy and engrossed for hours on end.

I remember the game that became a craze during our time was something called Goldspot. I now wonder why it was named so. This game was played with all the players holding hands and going in circle chanting goldspot, and soon after we had to jump as far as possible from the persons on the other side. Then each one had to try and step on the person next to them by jumping forward while that person tries to avoid being stepped on by jumping backwards.

The other game was elastic. Two people would place this big elastic round their legs and the third person had to jump and do various acrobatics. After each successful level the elastic would be placed higher and higher. Then there was of course all time favourites like hide and seek, run and catch, blind man's buff, four houses and so on and so forth.

The list of indoor games were endless. Snake and Ladder, Ludo, Chinese Checkers, Brain vita, Tick Tack Toe, Name, place, animal and things, Card games, Carom to name a few. There were the traditional games of twelve houses where we had to play with shells. Then there were these four round seeds with which you play by flipping it on the palm and then throwing it up and catching the others one by one and so on. Another game was played using elongated shells.

These games did not cost anything and the only thing one needed were friends, a few household articles and a little space. But sadly somewhere down the line we have lost them. They have become obsolete and I feel sad about it. Traditional games have among others fallen prey in this era of technology. Have these games been lost forever?

Did you ask a question today?

2009-09-29T15:05:00.012+05:30

I was reading an article in the newspaper about the release of this book titled " What did you ask at school today?" by Kamala Mukunda. I am yet to read the book, but the title itself sounded very interesting. I read through the excerpts of her interview.

The author says that our education system does not stress enough on concept teaching. Our system is more rigid and stresses more on textbook reading than questioning. She also writes that human brain was not programmed to learn non-innate things like calculus and computer programming but is programmed to learn languages and social communications. Hence she says that a child learns to speak and understand a language well but cannot learn non-innate factors like spellings as easily.

"We give our students knowledge in disconnected chunks, and we expect our students to reproduce knowledge in more or less the same way it was received", writes the author.

That made me wonder if we are'nt making our children into cyclostyle copies or carbon copies of ourselves that is the parents, the teachers and all the other adults with whom they come into contact with or who play a role in shaping their life? The aim seems to be to shape our children into a miniature parent. At school the teacher tries to make her students think and interpret a thought just like she has understood it. This would then mean no originality.

But luckily God has made each child unique. Each one has his or her own level of intelligence. Some are better able to learn by repeatedly going through the lessons while some are able to understand the concept just by going through it once, while there are others who interpret the same concept in a totally different light altogether. Some are very skillful with their hands while some are creative thinkers.

Wouldn't we want some one who is Child I and not Papa II or Mama II?

And every person finds his own calling sooner or later and our world keeps moving ahead generation after generation.

Happy Teachers' Day - A trilogy - Part III

2009-09-20T12:44:00.008+05:30

In the last two parts of the series, I wrote about my personal experience; that of being a student and later of being a teacher. Over a period of time these have been my observations.

According to our Veda, the place a teacher or a guru is placed topmost in the hierarchy after mother and father. Students came to their Ashrams to learn at a very young age and it was the teachers' sacred duty to mould these young minds and shape their lives. Students did not question the Guru. These Gurus were wise and well versed.

According to Maria Montessori a person cannot be called a teacher. She just directs and guides the child. Children are like little saplings which require the right kind of ingredients for them to bloom. The teacher is the gardener who would nurture these saplings and give them a strong root or foundation so that they grow into strong and sturdy trees. Various eminent educationists and philosophers have devised different methods of teachings. But whatever the method one follows, I feel a teacher should have lot of patience and love towards children and an aptitude for teaching. These two go a long way.

But somehow over a period of time certain aspects have disturbed my mind with regard to this profession. Imparting knowledge, in other words teaching is considered a noble profession. But of late I have read of so many bizarre stories where teachers have been beaten up by students or students have launched agitation against teachers for various reasons.

On the other hand an even more disturbing trend is of teachers who should be enlightening are themselves in the dark. I have read articles where teachers have made the students from lower caste wash the toilets in the school, they have caned the students that have resulted in the little ones losing their sight or hearing and sometimes these actions have even lead to loss of life.

What has lead to this rotten state of affairs? Is this because teaching profession over a period of time has lost its nobility? Even after teaching over several decades, teachers are still living what one can call a 'non-comfortable' life style. India's future lies in its school rooms and if an important component of that ecosystem, the teachers, are not happy, the future of the country is also at stake. This is one of the primary reasons why teaching is hardly a coveted profession for today's qualified professionals.

I have seen instances in many schools where teachers are hired not because they are qualified but there are not many available. Any attempt to fill the vacancies without cognizance to the teaching abilities / qualifications will only affect the standard of teaching. And this is one aspect the Government needs to examine closely.

Hence I feel that unless teaching as a profession and the teachers are given their due place and recognition we cannot hope to bring back the former glory where we can equate the status of a Guru next to that of parents.

Happy Teachers' Day - A trilogy - Part II

2009-09-07T12:23:00.009+05:30

These are some of the experiences during my teaching days. I completed my masters in Human Development and for six months worked as a nursery school teacher in the same place where I had completed my nursery education.

Six months into it, I got a call from my college asking me if I was interested in working there. Just the thought of teaching undergraduates and graduates made me excited as well as nervous. Teaching is my passion but just out of college, I wondered if I could handle this job, and that too teaching at college level. I gathered courage and said yes.

My new life as a lecturer began. The first day however was a total disaster. First of all, we had to wear sarees and I was never comfortable in sarees. On the first day, I had to teach the second year graduates. We had an icebreakng session. Then I turned round to the board to give a short introduction to the subject that I was going to teach them. The board was high and there was a platform. I climbed on to that and was writing. My nervousness, the saree, all put together gave me a wrong equation of the distance of the length of the platform and there I was moving towards the edge and not realising it. All the students must have been waiting for this moment and then it happened. I stumbled right down. The saving grace was I did not fall! That was the worst moment for me but a very hilarious moment for all my students.

Well, slowly I started getting into the groove. I shared a wonderful rapport with so many of my students. The subjects that I was teaching was also very interesting mainly - Child Development, Womens' Studies, Microbiology, Physiology and so on. Hence there would be lot of interaction at various levels. As these subjects are mainly to do with being aware of various stages of human development, one could relate to them personally. Many of my students would come and discuss their personal problems as well.

My belief was that teaching had to transcend "lecturing" and had to involve the students at a deeper level. Hence creating various teaching techniques like having the students solve crossword puzzles, conducting quizzes, getting eminent personalities to talk on topics, getting the students to debate made teaching more interesting. I enjoyed this stint of my life getting to know so many wonderful students of mine.

Later my kids came along and I wanted to spend time with them. Once my children were old enough and became independent I worked for sometime in the school where my children were learning. Then, I also had a stint of running a preschool. To interact with little children is to open an amazing world. As Rousseau says children's minds are like a blank slate and hence filling up that space with the right things goes a long way in enriching a child's mind. That was again a deeply satisfying experience for me. The love and joy that the little ones shower on you is very rewarding.

So far this has been my teaching experience with varied age groups - both the teenagers as well as the little ones. All I can say is that teaching is a profession that one has to absolutely love. Because, people in their younger years grow (and grow up) because of their teachers and there cannot be a bigger letdown to these young people than a passionless teacher.

Happy Teachers' Day - A trilogy - Part I

2009-09-04T11:37:00.007+05:30

Yet another year and yet another fifth september is being celebrated as "Teachers' Day". I remember my nursery teacher - a very good teacher who used to run a nursery from her house. She laid a strong foundation when it came to the basics of teaching alphabet, numbers and addition and subtraction. I am still in touch with her.

After this, I went to a proper school. There were different kinds of teachers. Some of them were very good at teaching their subjects while some others just couldn't make us understand what they were teaching. Some teachers were forever frowning and scolding all the children while some had the habit of hitting the children on the head with their knuckles. Whew! That used to hurt a lot, though I got the taste of it only once and that too accidentally. That was the time when corporal punishment was allowed.

I also remember another teacher of mine who during exam times would feel so very generous towards those students who had not studied that she would ask the bright students to show their papers so that they too could copy and pass the exam. It was too shocking for us at that time.

At the same time there was this other teacher in high school who was quite passionate with her subject. I still remember her telling me that it is only in teaching profession that a teacher would feel very proud and happy when her students do well.

Then we stepped into a different world that of college life. That was when I really enjoyed my student life. The college that I went to was a very reputed one. Barring a few, most of the lecturers were quite good with their subjects.

Even here I would like to salute that one teacher who came like a whirlwind into our lives. She was short and hardly noticeable but by God! the moment she started her introduction we could all sense that here was a teacher who could be categorised as the "Ideal Teacher". She was the most lively and the most energetic teacher I had ever seen. She would enthuse the whole class. You know what subject she taught us? Of all the subjects it was Chemistry, the most boring and dry subject. That was until she came along.

Can you ever imagine the whole class waiting for a Chemistry period? That was the kind of teacher she was. We also learnt that her family was actually from Sri Lanka and they had come to India as refugees! It was only because of her that we all developed a love for Chemistry. We also started scoring very good marks in the subject. But good things cannot last longer, can they? She left the very next year and we never got to know why. But she will always remain in my memory and I salute a teacher like her and wish wherever she is , she is remembered fondly.

So on this Teachers' Day, I salute all my teachers who have played a crucial part in shaping my academic career. Happy Teachers' Day to each and every one of them.

An irreplaceable bond

2009-09-02T12:10:00.006+05:30

Today as I was clearing the bed I noticed a book which my son had read and left on the bed. I saw this book was a series of short stories by the great Rabindranath Tagore. Suddenly I remembered the story of Cabuliwallah.

When I was in school, the moment I used to get my textbooks I used to read all the lessons. So when I went through the lessons, one of the lessons was that of Cabuliwallah. I remember reading it and by the time I completed it I was in tears. It was the most touching story. Every time I would read it I used to always cry.

I thought this story brought out the wonderful bond shared between a stranger and a little girl. The Cabuliwallah away from his own little daughter gets attached to this little girl Mini in whom he tries to see his own daughter. The last scene specially is very touching. The Cabuliwallah comes back from the prison. He comes to see his little Mini. Instead he finds a grown up decked bride getting ready for her wedding day. It is then that he realises that even his little daughter whom he had left behind in Afghanistan might have grown up into a young woman. All that he had with him was his little daughter's handprint on a crumpled sheet of paper which he would carry with him everywhere.

Many a time I have seen father and daughters sharing such a wonderful bond and this story is an ode to that special father - daughter relationship.

The roller coaster of an exam ride

2009-08-29T12:22:00.003+05:30

Exams are round the corner. The heat is soaring and it is not just the outside temperature that I am talking about what with no rains! Even inside the house, temperatures are rising with parents getting hyper as the children are getting closer to writing their mid term exams. Lots of tension around. All the parents are going through a tense phase as the exams approach. There are a lot of do's and don'ts that as parents we tend to tell our children. Don't drink cold water; don't eat cold things from the fridge - you might catch a cold; Remember you have exams coming up; stop playing on the computer; study - you should get better grades this time than what you got in your last unit test; you cannot go down to play as your exams are coming up, so on and so forth. The list never seems to end.

But somehow suddenly I find children getting more interested in reading story books which was never touched in all these months. It appears as though they have an exam on that book. My son gets the most interesting story book which he says he was able to lay hands on, only then from the library and so has to complete reading it as he has to return it. They remember something very important that they had to do just when they are asked to sit and finish the exercise that was given to them.

These days the moment the door bell rings they run down to open, which during other times they have to be called several times to go and see who it is before finally I am left to do this chore. But all of a sudden they have all the time in the world to do these tasks. When they are supposed to do their reading I find they are very interested in reading the newspapers and that too during dinner time!

During meal times the norm is for them to come down only after being called minimum ten times, but now the minute they are asked to sit and study they seem to be suddenly very hungry and are at the table even before I am ready with my preparation!! At other times they hardly respond to my call but now even before they are called they always seem to be around me all the time.

So this is what the scene is at home right now and will continue to be so until mid week next month. Till then all we parents must sit tight biting our nails in desperation while our kids gleefully take us on a roller coaster ride. Happy ride till then.

Reader's delight - Reader's Digest

2009-08-19T12:07:00.002+05:30

When I was browsing through the day's news, my eyes caught the news item which said that the Reader's Digest is filing for bankruptcy. I felt quite a jolt.

I remember my affair with Reader's Digest started when I was 11 or 12 when we started subscribing to it. I used to enjoy reading every single page of it. The unforgettable quotes, the challenge of word power, Humour in uniform, Laughter's the best medicine, Life's like that - every single issue original in every sense. And then the book section. Such awe inspiring stories that I would wonder whether there could be such brave and adventurous people in this world. Infact Reader's Digest was a compact book which had all the articles that one ever wanted to read.

I remember the time when I was able to lay my hands on an edition of Reader's Digest which was the compilation of the book section over the years. I was so very engrossed with the edition that I did not sleep until I had read the last page. I continued to subscribe to Reader's Digest even after marriage but lack of space and time forced an end to my affair with this lovely book. It was a Catch 22 situation where you cannot even think of discarding the old RD books and there was no space for the new ones. So I have all my piles of old RD in a carton so that my children could read this wonderful book. I am glad to see that my elder son enjoys reading it.

Well I really wish all the best to Reader's Digest which has been my childhood friend. I hope it will be a part of my children's childhood and adulthood too inspiring them as they grow.

When Father is the Mother

2009-08-17T17:13:00.008+05:30

Long time back I had read this article where a single man had adopted a baby and was bringing up the baby singlehandedly. Well, it was something totally different because I had never heard of any such happening before. I also read that according to the adoption laws in India the age bar for a single woman to adopt is 21 but for a single man the age bar was 30.

Indian adoption laws also do not have anything against single fathers adopting though generally agencies prefer giving a child for adoption to a couple rather than a single parent. According to the law a single man cannot adopt a girl child whereas a single woman can adopt either a boy or a girl. Mind you adoption process is quite a long one and does take time as there are several factors that the agencies have to look into before finally handing over a baby. Afterall, it's the life of a small baby that is at stake.

From time immemorial a mother's role has been typecast as the one to give birth and to rear children and the fathers role being that of a breadwinner. We all talk about maternal instinct. One never gets to hear about paternal instincts, do we? But many a time, I have seen fathers looking after their children with so much of patience and love. I think these fathers are the ones who are in touch with their feminine side.

But on the whole I wonder how different would that child's upbringing be when a child is adopted by a single male? How would this child differ from a child say who has been adopted by a couple? I should say it would make for an interesting study to conduct. Atleast in India if the man has got a strong family support system it would make his task easier. If this means that one child atleast can get a good loving home. This is surely a positive sign of a progressive society, provided the child is given a loving home with a father playing both the role of a mother and a father effectively.

A welcome change

2009-08-15T22:21:00.007+05:30

These days whenever I go down for a walk or sit in my balcony, I am greeted by this very welcome sight of fathers coming down with their children and playing with them. I see a father trying to teach his child the basics of tennis, or another father pushing the cycle while the child is learning to balance, another child being consoled by the father after hurting herself and so on.

It is so nice to see the present day fathers taking so much of time and trying to play an important and equal role in bringing up their children along with the mothers. I can see how much they want to be a part of their child's growing up years.

It was not so long ago that the role of a father was restricted to being only a disciplinarian. He would hardly take part in bringing up the child. Though even at that time I guess many of them did want to take an active part, maybe they were hesitant as they might not have been too very comfortable and did not know how to handle children or they must have felt awkard at what others would say if they tried their hand at changing diapers or fed the baby. At that time the roles of a man and a woman were too sharply demarcated. If ever the child wanted something from the father it was usually communicated via the mother. They were too scared to talk to their father.

Luckily during our times there has been a welcome change and our husbands were very much involved right from the time of our pregnancy. Now there is even more marked change. Many a time when the mothers are working and when they can't afford to take the day off to babysit, the fathers have taken up that duty willingly. Many studies have shown that both the parents have an equally important role to play in the overall development of the child. Specially in these times when the mothers are also chipping in a lot by working outside and trying very hard to see that the house is also run smoothly, fathers taking that initiative in helping out in every aspect is a real blessing. We all know how difficult and taxing it is to look after the children. So in this context I must say this is a real welcome change. Way to go Fathers ..)

Technology invasion at home

2009-08-13T10:56:00.014+05:30

The other day my cousin marked this article on facebook. It is all about how technology has overtaken our breakfast time. These days in many households the moment the family is up and about, the first thing that they do is check messages on their mobile and switch on their laptops to check mails. This they say is not just restricted to adults but even chidren who even on a school day have to check their cell for messages, texting or play a game on their gameboy or check their facebook account!!

Whew! This I am sure marks the beginning of the tech era. Infact one parent says that he sends sms to his children instead of going up to their rooms if he needs to talk to them. This is the height of techlaziness I should say.

These days it is a very common sight when you go out, to see people walking, driving, standing on roads, in cars, restaurants, theaters you name it and there are people busily engaged talking on their cell. Sending sms constantly is also another way people are keeping busy with. People are so short of time that when they sms the spellings have been shortened in such a way that very soon I am afraid that there will be a separate dictionary for just that! We will very soon have to relearn english spellings all over.

Very soon all households will be very silent right from the moment they get up except for the clicking sound of the keyboards or an occasional exclamation, or a sigh, or swear word depending on the mails and messages recieved. Almost like a ghost house. Eerie silence. As it is, communication between parents and children is getting to be very complex and remote. And this tech invasion into homes will encourage lesser face-to-face communication even between parents and children.

A joyous greeting towards each other every morning, the smell of fresh coffee and bustling activity in the kitchen with a song on our lips, the mad rush of shouting and getting our children ready for school, having breakfast together. I would prefer this any day to the tech communication. Don't you?

Our independence needs better respect

2009-08-12T12:21:00.012+05:30

Every 15th of August we celebrate the Independence Day. We were lucky enough to be born into a free and an independent India. We studied about the freedom struggle only in our history textbooks. However we used to listen to the difficult times that our grandparents went through during the pre independence period.

Just the other day, I read this very touching story of this young girl called Kaumudi. Gandhiji had come visiting her village as part of fund raising for the Harijan Sahaya Samithi . He appealed to the people assembled there to donate whatever they could. At that time a young girl of seventeen came towards Gandhiji and asked him for his autograph and as he was writing he saw that she was taking out the gold bangle from one hand and giving it. Then he saw her taking out the other gold bangle and finally her gold chain. Even Gandhiji could not, but help appreciate her sacrifice. She later became a disciple of Vinoba Bhave and helped in the Bhoodan movement. She passed away at the age of ninety two last week. Just imagine the spirit of freedom that had been ignited into such young hearts!

Today India has made great strides. India is supposed to be the youngest country with half the population being in their twenties. Just imagine how strong our country can be if the youth power is harnessed in a positive way. The only problem is that even after 62 years of independence, the development is lopsided. There is a very huge imbalance between the have and the have-nots.

Even today when we see the movie "Gandhi" or "Shahid Bhagat Singh" or even a "Rang de Basanti", we definitely feel a stir in our hearts. When we sing or listen to the national anthem we do feel proud. Even today when we listen to this very touching song of Lata Mangeshkar "Mere watan ke logon" my eyes water.

For our children though, it is a very different story. They were born during the times of economic boom. Hence Independence day means holiday for the school. Children crib that they have to practice marchpast as part of independence day celebration and that they have to go to school even on a holiday!! Why only children I have seen adults showing scant respect when our national anthem is played.

The question then is are we loosing the spirit of independence? Are we taking our independence for granted? Are we sensitising in our children the value of Independence? How can we as parents help in developing the patriotic spirit and that national pride in our children?

A God called Mother

2009-08-11T11:22:00.008+05:30

We all know the saying that God created mothers as he could not be everywhere. I like this expression a lot. From times immemorial a Mother has been given the highest place. Infact in Hindu dharma we say Maatrudevobhava giving the first and the most important place in our lives. The first word that every child utters is mother in whatever langauge that the child speaks irrespective of class, creed, or country. It is to the mother that a child turns to when he hurts himself. It is to his Mother that he turns to when he is hungry, for solace in times of trouble, for answers when he has a problem.

Motherly love and sacrifice can never be described. The extent that a mother goes to see to it that her children come up in life is known to all. I have come across some such mothers who have by their sheer grit and determination have succeeded against all odds.

I should say my own grandmother is an example. After my grandfather passed away she singlehandedly raised her two children. She was not educated. But she had that determination that her children should get a good education and a good job. So she started looking after the new business that my grandfather had started and managed it well.Though she came from a small town she managed on her own in the city.

In another case a young widowed mother tried to make ends meet by preparing food and selling it. Then as her business grew she opened canteens in colleges. I should say she climbed the ladder of success by sheer hardwork and achieved her goal which was to see to it that her children get a good education and finally do well in life.

There are other instances where the mothers due to various circumstances like alcoholic husbands, being widowed at a very young age, who have been deserted by their husbands have taken it upon themselves to educate their children and make a bright future possible for their children despite their adverse situations. When we read all these success stories it feels good and makes us wonder at the courage of these mothers. Imagine the pain, the anxiety the uncertainity that these mothers have undergone.

These mothers truly are beacons making their own path where there was none and have truly enshrined Motherhood in all its glory.

Disappearing Indian cuisine?

2009-08-06T12:09:00.009+05:30

This is in continuation to my blogpost on "Cooking travails of a mom". It is no secret that the children's eating habits and the choice of food have changed drastically over a period of time. During our parents' time everything was very simple. Thanks to the large joint family, the means to provide a comfortable level of living with trimmings everywhere was the diktat. Simple dhal, chawal, seasonal vegetable curry, sambar, rice porridge were the order of the day. Everyone had to eat whatever was prepared. No wasting of food. No choices whatsoever. All the sweets and savouries were home made.

Come our generation. The basics remained the same. But slowly North Indian cuisine started getting popular in the south. Hence vegetable pulao, raita, parathas started making forays into our traditional south indian menu. We know that India is a country of diversity. This was also the time T.V came into our households. So there was exposure to different cuisines from across India. So our choices increased.

I remember it was also the time when maggi noodles was introduced. All the children were crazy about it. I remember in many households children started to demand maggi noodles for breakfast, lunch, snacks and dinner. As women of the household also increasingly started working outside, easy availability and acceptance of outside food became the order of the day. Still our dosa, idlis, sambar, rice porridge etc played a prominent part on our dining table.

Come today's generation. Spoilt for choice. Introduction of so called healthy cereals, pizzas, burgers, KFC, all started wreaking havoc on our healthy Indian menu. As mothers, it has now become an everyday affair to offer a large choice to our children (as though we are running a small restaurant at home) as to what the days menu would be. Even with umpteen number of choices each option is vetoed. Though the family size has shrunk menu planning has become an arduous task. Everytime we go out to eat, children invariably choose to go to McD, KFC, Pizza Hut or other pizza jonts, Chinese, Italian you name it other than Indian of course. What about MTR or a Shanbagh or Kamats? It is yukky mom, is the reply.

I remember reading that according to a study conducted, the south indian meal is supposed to be the most nutritious, healthy and well balanced meal. I felt so proud about it. But as my husband reminds my children the audacious line that one of the American cereal brands used ,where they said that in the coming years they would completely change the breakfast habits of Indian children. Are we after all going to fall prey to this? I am not against tasting other cuisines from other countries. But at the same time I fear that in future when our children grow up Indian cuisine might completely disappear from their kitchen.

Let us as moms see to it somehow that the efforts of our ancestors who painstakingly devised such healthy food depending on the region we came from will not go down the history making alien cuisine the staple diet in the years to come.

Belongingness in children

2009-08-05T12:51:00.009+05:30

These days my children always complain to me saying that when they go down to play, a child always pesters them to take him into their group to play. If they say no then he complains to his mother and the mother comes down and forces these children to include her child in the group.

When they complained, I tried to tell them that it would be a good gesture on their part to include this child into their group. It would add up to their numbers and they can play together. But their argument is that the child in the first place does not know how to play football and if in the process of playing, he gets hurt, the mother shouts at the other children. This is a common story which we come across, specialy when one lives in an apartment.

Well, every child would like to belong to a group and play. But not all children sometimes fit into a group. Children are very choosy and have certain criteria when they choose their friends. Generally children get together when they have like minded friends whose interest and aptitude match. This holds true not only for children but for adults as well.

I have generally seen that children accept other children more openly than adults do. It is only in extreme cases when there are no similarities at all that children refuse to accept another child into a group.

I feel we as parents have a huge role in ensuring that our children do not feel isolated. Especially so when people live in apartments where there are lots of children. Children form groups easily wherever they go. They do not need any adult help. Only little children below the age of two or three need their parents with them as they need to be in their comfort zone. The older children however are the first ones who go out and get to know children with whom they can play .

It's our job as parents to help our children to have that sense of belongingness into a group. All of us do need it for self identification. After all man is a social animal. This is especially so when we live in apartments. No child would like to be a loner nor the parents can accept it. So how can we as parents help our children?

Firstly, it is important for us parents to know our child's interest. He might like to play football or cricket and these are the two current passions of children these days. Secondly, we have to work extra hard to boost his / her self confidence. Sometimes the child might be very shy. So as a parent we can encourage the child by introducing the child to the group and request them to include the child in their group. Thirdly, encouraging in your child a sense of fair play helps. I emphasise "do not take sides" when your child complains. Explain to him it is part of the game. They have to sort out the issue on their own. Certain games like football are quite rough and the child may get hurt. If you are a parent who mollycoddles your child and do not want your child to get hurt then avoid sending him to play such games. The other children definitely will not take kindly to the child who always complains at the drop of a hat. This is a surefire way of getting the child excluded in all future games.

Most importantly as a parent be there when your child needs you, but never ever interfere unnecessarily. These are stages where the child gets trained to learn different aspects of life viz. communication skills, group participation, a sense of fair play, developing self esteem, self-confidence, acceptable behaviour etc. and in future this leads to a healthy interaction and positivity as adults.

Happy Friendship Day

2009-08-02T11:14:00.006+05:30

The word "Friend" brings such joy to one's mind. Friends are people we cherish throughout our lifetime. Friends come from different corners. The first friendship starts from our early years during our school days. At that time however friendship can turn into different hues depending on the situation. I remember this friend of mine who would vouch friendship forever and share her pencils, erasers, labels and other things. But within a few days time, would give me sleepless nights by asking for all things back in its original condition and threaten to tell the teacher. This was because she found other friends and wanted no longer to be your friend. And then I had my bigger protective friends who used to take care of me from the class bullies. I of course had another set of friends who would be friends only during the test or exam time to gauge the progress made in studies. These were my competitive friends.

It was in college that I formed firm friendship. We were a group of four friends . We were very close to each other, through thick and thin. Sharing notes, helping each other when one of us was absent, sitting late into the night completing our record work, going to the canteen once in a while, going down the road to eat in a new eatery... Such wonderful memories. We were together while doing our masters too. Day in and day out for seven wonderful years. I am glad to say I am still in touch with two of them. But down the lane somewhere I feel sad that I have lost touch with my third friend. I wish there was some way of contacting her.

The next set of friends were, once my children started going to shool. Somehow making friends with other moms is very easy. All of us will be going through the same phase and hence can relate to each other easily. So I have my set of wonderful parents grouped as bus stop moms. These are the moms whom I used to meet regularly at the bus stop and hence got to know each other. Then the other group was my childrens class friends moms. We used to meet during Birthday parties and when children invite their friends home invariably moms also would meet. Then ofcourse when we live in apartments we get to form a whole lot of friends.

Sometimes friendships are formed in malls or theatres or even in grocery stores!! So watch out. We never know where we can find friends. Have you ever had this feeling when you saw a person something draws you to that person and you would like to know her better. Something about that person wants you to forge a friendship?

That way over the years I have found very good friends. I was reading this book called "The autobiography of a yogi", wherein Paramahansa Yogananda say's friendship is truly the most blessed relationship. That is the only thing that we can choose ourselves. True friendship without any expectation is the best relationship to be formed in one's lifetime. He also goes on to say in our previous lives also we had known these people and hence even in this lifetime we end up forming bond with these people.

Sometimes, we go in this tide of life rushing forward to fulfill so many of our obligations. Stop. When you want to rejuvenate just pick up the phone and call your friend and have a heart to heart talk. You will feel so exhilerated. So dear friends here's wishing all of you a lot more joy and happiness and above all peace in life.

Open the amazing world of mythology

2009-08-01T12:47:00.013+05:30

The other day my husband and me were sitting at the playarea in our apartment complex after our regular walk watching lots of little children playing. At that time a gentleman came and we watched him interact with these children. He was asking them which class where they in, and what they were playing? After this the conversation turned towards mythological stories as the gentleman asked the children if they knew the story of Ganesh and Kartikeya. Some replied in the negative while some children said that they knew the story. Then the gentleman said that he will conduct a quiz to see how much they knew about our Mythology.

We saw that when the gentleman asked simple questions as to who were the three wives of Dasharath or when he asked the name of the sons of Dasharath most of the children did not know the answers.

This made me realise that our children are losing touch with the traditional mythological stories which have been passed on from generation to generation through ages. I remember with great fondness the times that we as kids spent listening to my grand father, father and mother narrating to us the Epics Ramayana and Mahabharatha. We used to enjoy listening to it as much as our grandparents and parents liked to narrate it to us.

I remember the time when Dr.Ramanand Sagar's Ramayan was first shown on T.V it had an amazing effect of uniting all people irrespective of the religion that each belonged to. We had all our neighbours coming to our house religiously every sunday to watch Ramayan. It broke all barriers.

So also when it was my turn, as a parent I did the same thing. I used to narrate the stories of Ramayan, Mahabharath and many other stories and children were fascinated . Their grandparents also had them spell bound. Once they grew old enough to read they started reading on their own.

I felt so proud when in our apartment during a quiz contest which was conducted on the eve of Ganesh Chaturthi festival on Mythological stories children won the contest with the most number of correct answers.

So I hope as parents we can do our bit by seeing to it that we do not forget to pass on this rich heritage to our children. All the book stores these days have a good collection of Amar Chitra Kathas and other attractive picture books on all the Mythological stories. So parents go ahead and weave wonderful stories and take your children through the mystical world of Mythology.

Language politics

2009-07-30T12:03:00.010+05:30

I do not understand what all this hoopla about making state langauge compulsory as the medium of instruction till fourth standard in all schools. I do agree that when one lives in a particular state it is a good practice to try and learn the local language of that state for the purpose of communicating. It makes life easier for our day to day transactions.

The most important thing is first teaching our children our mother tongue. I have come across parents who try hard to teach their children English first, fearing that children might find it difficult when they start going to school . This, I feel, is totally unfounded. Children will anyway learn English once they start going to school. But they will never get a chance to learn their mother tongue if parents do not teach them. Children have an ear for languages and pick it up easily.

It is a different matter that once children learn to speak English and Hindi then their sentences are laced with a mix of different languges as I have seen in my son. He used to speak Konkani which is our mother tongue fluently but now every sentence has English, Hindi , and sometimes even Telugu words in it.

So the question is should we burden our children with having to learn the local language? As it is they have so much to learn these days and it becomes very difficult for them every time to learn a new language. This will be a big problem for children whose parents get transferred frequently. I am sure many of you have gone through this trauma during your school life.

I believe that the mother tongue is something that should be taught by the parents mandatorily. Beyond this, it is best left to the parents to decide the focus of their child's lanuage orientation. But there is absolutely no place here for politics. After all language is a tool to communicate and not to be taken as a political agenda.

Sports or studies? A Difficult choice

2009-07-29T11:42:00.005+05:30

In our country a lot of premium is placed on education. Every parent works towards seeing to it that their children get a good education, get admissions in good colleges or professional institutes. Ultimately the dream of every parent is to see their children well placed professionally with a decent standard of living.

As parents we encourage them to participate in all sports activities, enroll them into professional coaching centres during holidays or even on a regular basis. We wish our children to have a balance in studies as well as extra curriclar activities.

Conflict arises when we find that our children are interested a lot in a particular sport and would like to pursue it. What do we do? Till they are in their ninth grade we still feel we can go along with this, provided they do averagely well in their studies. But what does one do when the child enters tenth? Crucial years ahead . Future of the child depends on the performance of the child in the next two years.

Suddenly we as parents start pressurising the child to hang up their sports kit and open more of their school books. In these competitive times, the stress on the child is more whether they like it or not.

Unlike western countries where sports can be chosen as a fulltime profession, it is a different scenario in our country where the need for quality education is of paramount importance. A sports person's career on the other hand is fraught with risk and uncertainty. In addition to this, more often than not, the sportsmen / sportswomen end up facing the wrath of politicisation of priorities at every level. These situations are alien to parents for whom the only goal they can see is of their child's success.

I know if all parents thought this way there would never have been Tendulkars, Sania Mirzas or Gagan Narangs. There is an inherent conflict here. On the one hand, how will we ever know if my child can take up sport as a career if we do not even support our children's pursuit by giving it a lot of time, energy and most importantly money to practice? And on the other hand, God forbid, if they do not make it, how will the child handle it? And how would we as parents handle it. The time spent will never come back. Starting something new all over again is a difficult proposition. A very difficult choice indeed for a parent.

What do you think?

Call of the nation

2009-07-28T10:37:00.007+05:30

The other day I watched a talk show on the tenth anniversary of the Kargil victory. One could sense the disillusionment of the mothers, wives, daughters of the Kargil martyrs who had laid down their lives for our country. The apathy shown by the Government and the people of this nation. Imagine six hundred and ten lives lost. So many children orphaned, so many widows, so many parents lost their sons . Imagine getting back to living life without your loved ones. But these people are the proud ones who despite all the difficulties that they are undergoing would still not have it any other way.

At the time of Kargil war I remember the call to join the forces. There were huge lines outside to enroll and I felt it was a way of unifying people. At that time there were also discussions whether to make it mandatory for all our children to join the forces at the age of eighteen. I think two years of compulsory training for all citizens at the age of eighteen is a rule in Singapore, Malaysia and other countries.

It was then that I started thinking what would I do? Would I as a parent have the courage to send my children for mandatory service in the armed forces? Would I be a willing parent if my children choose the armed forces for a career? In a way, the disciplined training that they have to undergo there makes them really tough and strong. But what if there are wars to be fought? In the coming years I think wars look to be inevitable, the way the world is moving these days.

I salute all these courageous mothers who lost their loved ones.

Celebrating the journey of parenting - my fiftieth blogpost

2009-07-26T14:49:00.008+05:30

It has taken me a looong time to reach what is to be my fiftieth blogpost. It made me think as to what should I write about to commemorate my special fiftieth blogpost.

As the story goes it all started when I stopped working and was feeling totally bored doing nothing. The kids had grown old enough to take care of themselves. I would finish cooking and luckily at that time I did not have to go through the ordeal of thinking what to cook for my children as I have to do now. Asking me why?

Well I had the luxury of leaving the decision making to the school committee who were planning nutritious meals for my children and serving them hot meals on time! This was also the time when I was vying for one upmanship with the school chef who was supposed to be preparing kheer which was yummier according to my son than the kheer which I used to prepare with all my motherly love!

Well to get back, It was then that my husband not withstanding my whining about being bored at home conjured the plan of getting me off his back by asking me to write blogs. Blogs? But what do I write about? Well he had the answer. Why not on parenting? I was not very sure but thought I will give it a try.

So here I am, writing about my experiences and feelings, asking all my dear friends to read and tread along with me in my journey of parenting. During this great journey of parenting which most of us say is thankless, painstaking, arduous journey and an ordeal I feel it is the small things which our children do for us which makes it all worthwhile. The hugs that they give us, the joyous smile on their faces when we come back home, the stories of joys and sorrows of their school life that they eagerly share when they get back home, asking when I will get well when I fall sick, the small greeting cards that they do on our birthdays. Oh there are so many things which makes parenting so very special.

In this journey, I have come across so many small incidents which set me thinking and wanting to share with other parents to know what they felt. When I go through all my blogs I find for every female foetus aborted there are thousands of babies being adopted. For every parent who has been abandoned by their children there are many who have given a helping hand. For every troubled child in this world there are millions of children trying to shape their lives in a better way.

Down memory lane I have to say how much my father and mother have shaped us by being such wonderful model of parents. The loss of my father has forever left a vaccum in my heart which can never ever fill. My mother being a strength of pillar. I should mention here about my wonderful parents-in-law who have succeeeded in making parenting an art with such good results right in front of me ie. my husband, who was referred by all as Gandhi. Such is the power of good parenting. There are still so many things that I have to learn about parenting from all these wonderful parents.

I salute all you parents for trying to be the best of parents. Let's continue our journey together for many more years and try to give our children the strong foundation that they ought to be given and celebrate the joy of parenthood.

Cooking travails of a mom

2009-07-15T12:50:00.004+05:30

Many of you must be going through this travail day in and day out. Yep I am talking about packing lunch and snack box for our children every day. The box is just about 15 inches by say 3 inches. But the content that goes into it sure will make our ISRO scientists think that rocket science is child's play than planning on what goes into the box.

Every night me and my mother-in-law sit to discuss this serious matter. Thank god we have two heads working to try and plan the menu. There are certain criteria that we have to consider before we decide on what to make. One, it must be deliciously innovative. So we cannot have the regular idli, dosa, utappam or upma. It is so not happening!

Second it should be tasty of course. Even here taste means not anything spicy for my litte one but medium spicy for my older one. So that leaves me preparing two different dishes.

Third the content should not be liquidy. So our good old dhal, sambar, rasam are out of question. Otherwise I have my kids complaining that the whole of break time was busily spent in cleaning than eating.

Yes I know some of you might say try tupperware or 'lock and lock'. They are supposed to be leak proof. Absolutely true. But I tried out one such box and the clasp broke within a week. Rs.450 down the drain in a week. The other box I have makes me do a tug of war to close and open it. But then, good old steel lunch boxes are passe you see.

So, what options am I left with? Sandwhiches? No not every day. Parathas of different varieties? Oh so boring. Mama they say "what about pizzas and burgers?" No not refined flour every day is my answer. What about veggies and greens? How will you get your vitamins is my argument and the look on their face is as though they are looking at alien from outerspace. And I have the answer for this immediately from both, and with great finality "if you give us that we will bring back the box as it is, then don't complain we have not finished".

Well what am I left with? Back to square one. Sitting and trying to put together new recipes. The problem could be because there are so many options these days. What happened to good old rice broth and veggies that we used to have when we used to go to school? Surely our moms had an easier time with us I guess.

Nostalgia!

2009-07-13T12:43:00.008+05:30

The other day I was standing outside in my balcony when I saw a mother drying clothes and her cute little daughter chattering away with her mother. I think she had not yet started going to school.

Just this scene brought back nostalgic memories of my children when they had not yet started going to school. It was such a delight spending time with them when they were about one and half to two and half years. They would be behind me, tugging at my dress, pestering me to give them that particular toy just that minute, or asking for cookies or chocolates right when I had gotten busy with something.

I remember it was with so much of joy that both me and my husband would go to all book exhibitions so that we could get a collection of books ready for our children which they could use at the right time. I used to have this big book of rhymes from which I would recite rhymes to them. Singing together and using funny tunes and then laughing over it.

How many a pleasant evenings have I spent standing on the porch of our house which used to overlook the main road with my children perched on the wall looking with great awe and excitement on their face at the different models of the cars. Believe me, at one and half they had an uncanny knack of identifying the different models of cars even at a distance just by looking at the headlights.

I used to enjoy the afternoon and night sessions of storytelling, taking them to that mystical and wonderful land of fairytales. Showing them picture books and weaving stories around those pictures used to be a big hit.

I miss all of this and very soon it will be time for my children to go farther making pathways of their own. I will be left with just wonderful memories of our days together when their life used to just revolve around me.

Let them bloom not wither

2009-07-11T20:46:00.004+05:30

The other evening my son came back from school. His routine is to tell me some of the things that had happened on that day. This is not an everyday occurence but once in a while he has a lot of things to say.

That day he said something which sent shock waves within me and also made me feel quite sad. What he said was that one of his classmates was so worried as he had not scored well in his monthly unit test. Actually this was the first time that he was writing an exam as they were abroad earlier. In the first two or three subjects he had scored less and he was telling all his friends that he should somehow get god scores in other subjects as otherwise he would be kicked out of his house!!! Now whether that was meant as a joke or seriously I do not know. But even if it was told jokingly I would certainly say a big NO to this kind of threat.

Just listening to this statement I felt very disturbed. These are little children that we are talking about. Specially they are at that stage of their life where they are going through so much of turmoil as they are in their teens. It is a very confusing and very troubled life marked by sudden shifts in emotions.

As parents when we pressurise our little ones with such dire consequences it will be so very traumatic for the child. Why do we as parents not understand life is very precious and marks are not the all and end all. I think there is much more to life.

Luckily this child felt relieved as he had scored better marks in other subjects. But hope and pray that this child does well every time.

Mind your language

2009-07-09T18:48:00.009+05:30

Remember the first time our baby/ ies made that first sound which sounded like something other than crying. The first time he said something which sounded like mama, papa. How thrilled and excited have we all been and how much we wanted them to call us mama and papa evey now and then. Though it sounds very simple and natural, language development is quite a complex process.

Langauge development in little children goes through definite stages starting with gurgling, cooing, babbling, and so on until they start using words which are repeated and encouraged by the parents and the first word usualy being mamamama, gradually paapaapapa and so on. Later it gets more complex and children start using single words then join two words and finally make sentences.

In all this children learn faster when parents talk to them, repeat words and encourage them. If the child lives in a joint family then their langauge development accelerates. I really like the ad that we see on T.V where the dad asks his toddler to say banana, czechoslovakia. Very cute . So as parents we have a great role to play in language development of our children.

Therefore there is one fact that all of us need to keep in mind. As children learn to speak by imitating us, we as parents need to be very careful as to what words we use. Certain words should definitely be a no-no in the household. Using swear words should be avoided. Sometimes certain words like "stupid" which is commonly used by parents in a playful way is copied by the children. When they use it in their babyish way we find it to be very cute. But as they grow older more and more unwanted words get added to their vocablary. Once they start going to school more and more slangs and swear words are used which they pick up from their friends and other people. They use it without understanding its meaning, but somehow at the right time.

Suddenly when they use it in front of us we are left stupefied. As parents we therefore need to be on gaurd and atleast make the children aware that certain words are definitely taboo atleast in the household. At school we do not have any control. But constantly checking them and reprimanding them will go a long way. But to do that first we need to mind our langauge.

The school bully

2009-07-07T13:02:00.007+05:30

I am sure the word bully would suddenly conjure up the picture of our school days where I am sure at one time or the other we encountered that one person who has always taken pleasure in bullying the weaker lot of us.

Right from ages we have always had some who were bullies and some always ending up being bullied by them. Most of the time bullies were ones who were quite well built, who would choose his or her set of friends who would always hang on to their words and do things at the behest of their leader and get pleasure, who when on their own would have hardly got noticed. They walk around troubling other children, demand food, order others around and basically lord over the puny and the weak.

As parents we have come across this situation where our children have come up with stories of one particular child bullying others in the class. We all know these bullies are children with low self esteem, who would like to therefore somehow get attention, but trying to gain attention in a socially unacceptable way.

My dilemma is that we generally bring up our children asking them not to get into conflicts with other children, to be friendly and if at all they have some problems then to talk it out and try and solve the problem. But bullies are a class apart who cannot listen to reason. If we encourage our children to give them as good as they get, I am sure our children who have not learnt to do such acts with finesse get caught by the teachers and the culprit generally goes scotfree. Children moreover do not like parents to talk about these things to their teachers. They then feel that they will be subjected to more bullying.

This is a milder form of ragging. How as parents then do we cope with problems of bullying?