Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Dilemma that I am facing.

About a year ago I told my older son that very soon he will be in his teens and therefore I would be looking forward to some help from him when he could go on his own on his cycle to foodworld or the nearby grocery store and get me stuff . He was very happy and proud to hear this huge responsibility that was being given to him. It made him feel very important too as he felt grown up. I felt quite happy just thinking that I could send him to buy things which would help me in not only making him independent, learn a little of money matter but I also could do with little bit of help now and then. I wanted to make my child responsible and independent.

Now this was a year ago and still I have not had the courage to let him go on his own. WHY? Because of the reckless way the traffic scenario is in our city. For the past seven years that we have been here we have dropped them every single day to the bus stop and picked them up every single day come rain,sun ,feeling ill or what ever may be the reason. The school bus picks the children from the main road and drops them on the main road. Yes justified as otherwise the last child will be reaching two hours after school if they go into all lanes to drop the children and the buses are huge so reversing would be a big problem. No complaints about that. What irritates me is that though the bus stop is about half a kilometer from home and children are ready to walk I feel so scared to let them go on their own for the single reason that they have to cross the road.

Sometimes I see such young children crossing the road on their own without any adult supervision or I see them going on a bicycle on the main road I marvel at the courage of those mothers who have let their children to be on their own and I feel may be I should also do so. But then just the other day we were waiting to pick up our children from the bus stop and I saw two children and a man crossing the road and all of a sudden an Innova appeared from nowhere at such killer speed that I thought I will be witnessing a gory accident right in front of my eyes. They just missed a crushing end by the breadth of a hair. But I saw the man was totally shaken. We sitting in the car were shaken then imagine the state of the children.

I know I have to overcome these fears. I feel motorists should show respect towards pedestrians and strictly follow rules. This is, but one issue among a plethora of several serious issues that I have discussed here. But I need to start at some point sooner or later. Any suggestions?

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

The Difficult Tween Years

Right now my older son is in his tween years. He is all of twelve and both of us are trying to come to terms with all the problems, dilemma's and mood swings that is taking place. My son N is a sweet kid. Anger was his only negative emotion right from the beginning, but one which I will attribute to our family genes!! Apart from that he is friendly, active,very playful and kind.

Off late though I find that he gets irritated very easily. His mood swings like the pendulum, he suddenly talks back to us, just bangs the door when angry, and so on and so forth, the list is never ending . Luckily one thing about him right from the beginning is that, just as a tornado his emotions sweeps over for a few minutes and then suddenly his anger or mood just disappears and he is back to his normal self within no time.

This then I know is tween years. He is neither a teenager nor a child anymore. His body is undergoing a lot of changes. His hormones are on overdrive and most of all he is confused. To top it all peer pressure and all the things that they are exposed to leads to this general state of emotional outbursts now and then.

I know what he is going through and I try and remember what mood changes I also used to undergo during those times, it still seems to take a lot out of me to handle the situation with my son. I feel I am more confused than him!

I am sure all mothers of tweens are going through the same situation and trying to grapple with these difficult years. There are a few things that I am trying to cope up. First of all empathising with him. Telling him that I have also gone through similar phase and how difficult it was for me too.
Second I want to curb my anger as far as possible. This if you remember was my resolution from a long time if you have read my previous blog. I am still consciously working towards this end. I find the more angry I get the worse it gets and in the bargain there are lots of angry retorts going to and fro. Hence I thought it will be better to let him just come out with all the pent up emotions . Once he cools down then I try to reason out with him. But believe me this is easier said than done. Many a time he knows what he is saying is not right but just that he needs to assert himself and has to have the last word.

Third I appreciate his efforts and try not to criticise his work after all I find he is quite a responsible child and knows what needs to be done,only thing being he prefers to do it taking his own sweet time which sometimes is the bone of contention between us. Again "Patience" is the keyword. Everytime, I think I come back to this point and find that is what makes a better mom - having patience in abundance.

I have given a lot of importance right from the beginning to physical demonstration of love. I really enjoy cuddling them, hugging them, kissing them . That special touch makes a lot of difference. Showing the child how very special he or she is and giving them the assurance that no matter what, we are there for them makes them feel special and protected.

Keeping the communication channels open always helps. As soon as they come from school I enjoy listening to all that has happened on that day. In the bargain I will also get to know what is happening in their life.

I have listed a few steps that I am following. Maybe you folks can tell me more on how you deal with your tweens?