Monday, October 20, 2008

Positive Parenting

The other day me and my friends had attended a talk given by Swami Sukhabodhananda . This was the first time I heard him live. He speaks very well with examples from day to day life with which one can connect and identify easily. I thought that some of the points that he discussed could be good parenting tips .

He was saying how the state of our mind affects us and calls for unwarranted reaction from us towards a simple incident. He was quoting an example from Mahabharatha. Duryodhana goes to see the beautiful palace that had been built for the Pandavas. There he had a series of accidents, he walked into a mirror thinking it was the door, he fell into the water pond thinking it was floor and that was when he heard Draupadi giggle. He felt insulted. His state of mind at that point was also not right. He was full of jealousy just thinking how could the Pandavas have such a beautiful palace ? This then got aggravated by the small incident of Draupadi giggling and led to the fateful war of Kurukshetra. If he had just let go and if his state of mind was good at that particular moment there would not have been Mahabharath.

Many a time as a parent I find that I loose my temper with my children when I am disturbed mentally. I then tend to talk a little harshly to my kids, though later I feel where was the need for me to react in such a manner. Having immense patience and developing calmness is the first priority of a parent I feel and not let little things disturb.

Many a time I have my friends telling me parenting would be very easy for me as I have done Child Development. But it is not true at all. I have seen that theory is different from practically living it. Yes I definitely feel it has given me enough guidelines and has made me aware about different stages. But beyond that I feel that we have to go by instinct alone and depending on individual personality of our child. There is no set rule even for the same kind of situation. So going by the flow is the best way I feel.

Each stage presents it's own problems and dilemmas. I remember my older son when he was just three would have bouts of anger and roll on the floor and cry. Initially all of us would go hyper trying to pacify him and he would cry even louder. Later we found that the best way to deal was to just let him be without interfering until he calmed down and then try and reason it out. When the phase lasted though it was terrible and we used to feel rather embarrased to take him out to our friends place for fear of creating a scene. At that time it felt like a monstrous task but after some time it was a distant memory. Another phase would start bringing with it it's own share of problems. It is a balancing act. One thing I have found which I try my level best to follow is PATIENCE, PATIENCE and more of it. Anger never has solved anything anytime. Contemplation and a calm mind works best in parenting. At the same time I also have seen how difficult it is to be calm when my child is making unreasonable demands, is throwing tantrums, is getting angry at every small thing that I say, or not doing things that he is supposed to do. It is nerve wracking.

But however hard it is going to be I have decided that right now I have to work real hard in developing that magic within me the three things which should strengthen my parenting skills and that is 'Patience, calm mind and contemplation'. Let me keep you folks posted as to how I am faring in my resolve. I do not want Kurukshetra in my house.

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